20 September, 2010

This is what it has come to.

So, as this week is the first week of the new semester, I have had no choice but to reflect on the sad, sad fact that I am entering my third year as a grad student. One of my friends tried to convince me it has only been two years (she doesn't know my very well), and while I appreciated that momentary flutter of hope via delusion, I know the truth: THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This factoid is quite worrisome and depressing on several fronts. One being the obvious: It will have taken me a minimum of 3 years to graduate. A kid who was an undergrad my first year in the masters program graduated this May.... from the master program. THE SAME MASTERS PROGRAM I AN ENROLLED IN. See, depressing? I'm depressed about it. Kinda super depressed, in fact.To add insult to injury, I've been cut off from being a TA this semester because I had reached the maximum amount of semester to be eligible for a TAship. In other words, I have been here so fucking long that they have rejected even the cheapest labor available.  OUCH. 

This being the first Monday of classes, I was (am) supposed to go sit on on a grad class tonight that my advisor is teaching. I also was (but am not) supposed to hand in a chapter which i have written approximately 3 pages of. I also was (but did not) supposed to lock myself in this weekend and rise with the sun to work steadfastly on thesis related materials. I was not supposed to go out Friday and Saturday night  (but did) or wake up at a time that is officially considered "brunch" hours (but did). I was supposed to wake up at 7 morning (but did not) and frantically type and type as many pages as possible before 5pm. BUT DID NOT. 

It's a vicious circle and I'm going down fast.

1 comment:

Bex said...

It's never too late to lock yourself in and do the work, homes...good luck!