My brother Nick was visiting for 7 days and I think I peed out straight Medalla this morning. Seriously.
He arrived in San Juan last Thursday, and I recruited The Highway and his cousin to drive me to pick him up (Old Blue really isn't in any condition for such a trip). We get to the airport, and I meet Nick. He has already sweated so much between getting off the plane and going outside, that he needs to change his shirt. Not everyone is cut out for a Puerto Rico summer. And by not everyone, I mean like 90% of humanity. Though I can't verify this statement, I feel it's basically accurate to say it truly is hot as hell. Thankfully I've had the ocean and an outdoor shower to get me through.
The "plan" is to bar hop at chinchorros (old man bars on the side of the road) on the way back home --- a little cheap bar hopping tour of Puerto Rico, if you will. We end up getting lost in Ponce. How do 2 Puerto Ricans actually get lost in Puerto Rico? I do not know. But, it happened. We decide to stop at a gas station to buy some beers. A map? Nahhhh...beer is the map of alcoholics, which we all are. So our method works, and before we know it we are in Mayaguez.Well, since we're here...may as well pop in to Garabatos for a quick little drink.
As usual, a "quick little drink" at Garabatos lasts until closing time and ends with a shot. We must not head back to Rincon with out....a pincho (a puerto rican meat kabob with a slice of bread on top --- best drunk food ever). We go down to the pincho lady by La Casita, but she is sold out -. No matter,we tell Nick, we have 7 days to get a pincho. Have no fear, young grasshopper. The pincho hunt will continue another night.
We are back on the road, and stop to get gas and some more Medalla. On the way out, someone points out an adorable little kitten sitting on top of the gas pump. Well we can't just leave it here, I very logically stated. Because Mayaguez isn't completely scattered will stray cats or anything. It's kinda the stray cat capital of the universe. So, we put the kitten in the car and obviously name the kitten 'Medalla'.
The next couple of days involve a lot of drinking incorporated into some beach time. We went snorkeling and I saw my first jellyfish!!! It was like 2 inches from my arm, which is why i saw it. A bit startling.
The last night was probably (most certainly) le grande finale, as it usually seems to go. We started off watching the sunset at Calypso, this bar by one of the beaches in Rincon. We begin with the Medallas. Lots and lot of Medallas. KA joins us after about an hour, and we continue the bar hop to the cheaper (AKA non-gringo) bar about 10 feet away. We end up at about 11 at the old man bar across from the plaza in Rincon, Casa Vieja, and play pool and what not. Cue DRAMA.
By this time, everyone is pretty well oiled up on Medalla and maybe a stray rum and coke. To top it off, I haven't seen Karrieann in probably 2 months, I haven't seen my brother in 6 months and he's leaving tomorrow, and Deb shows up and her and the Highway are suddenly MIA. Emotions are howyousay VERY HIGH. After I realize they are gone, I insinctly feeling ditched, left out, and EXTREMELY pissed off. Hey, thanks for letting someone know you were going to leave. A-holes. So, we try calling Deb and no answer. Nick and Karrie see how pissed I am, which makes them even more pissed off as well. Well, let's just go, they say. Why would we wait around to tell them where we are going when they didn't do that for us? The weakness in me is pushing for me to stay, but Karrie and Nick will have NONE of that. Cue "the talk".
We get into the car, and boy do they let me have it. "Jessica, who the fuck are you???" "The Jess I know wouldn't have cared if someone did this to her" "The Jess I know would have said FUCK 'EM, and left." "You used to be more confident Jess" "You used to be more outgoing, Jess". etc etc etc etc etc.........
And you know what the kicker is? They were completely right. I haven't even been myself, and that is truly saddest and shittiest thing of all. And it really felt good to have at least 2 people who knew me well enough to let me know that.
Anyway, we go to Tamboo, another bar and continue to drinking VERY heavily --- 151 shots with Medalla chasers heavy. Nick takes a moment to go talk to the dinosaurs on the big phone, and comes back out and does another shot. Alcoholic or Super Trooper? You be the judge (perhaps they are really just one in the same). Before I know it we are all naked and skinny dipping in the ocean. SUCCESS!
I think we went to bed at like 5AM, after coming home and polishing off a bottle of wine and leftover rum, and had to leave for the airport at 9:30AM. Therefore, obviously we were still drunk at 9:30AM. HOORAY! Makes driving a little more fun, I guess. KA is behind the wheel, and she stops at her apartment to show Nick where she lives. Then she stops at her bf's work to drop off his surfing things. Then she stops to get gas. It's about 11AM. I mention that Nick never got his pincho -- aww what a shame, since we are on the way to the airport and all. Running a little behind. "WHAT??!" says Karrie?? "he never got a pincho??!!" That just will not do. U -TURN!!! She "knows this great place" that "isn't out of the way". Right. Well, by the time we get the pinchos and back on the road, it's 11:30AM. Nicks flight LEAVES San Juan at 1:30PM. We are in Aguadilla, a town 2.5 hours away from San Juan. It isn't looking good, but Karrie insists we'll make it, and we believe her because she is driving like a bat out of hell. And there are no seat belt in the back seat. Father, SOn, Holy Spirit....Let's do this.
We get to the airport at 12:46PM. That is 1 minute too late for Nick to make security check. He reschedules the flight for 2PM. He texts me 2 hours later to tell me the flight is delayed. He text me 4 hours later to tell me the flight is CANCELLED and he is spending the night in San Juan. He said he tried to drink a Medalla when he got to the hotel, but had to throw it out. Over 24 hours later, he finally arrives in Minneapolis. Isn't exactly the way the bird flies, but he made it. And, most importantly, he didn't leave PR without trying a $1.50 worth of chicken on a stick. Mission Complete.