20 February, 2008
Tastes Like Chicken: A Palette Expansion, Part Deux
Towards the end of middle school, anorexia became my daily bread and I didn’t even consider toast with honey acceptable caloric intake, therefore I skipped breakfast and lunch. To be honest, I wish I had that kind of discipline still.
But anyway, at this particular juncture in my life, I was under the impression that rice was healthiest thing I could possibly consume, so every night for dinner I would make myself rice and top it off with soy sauce (still very anti-butter). Was this healthy? No, no it was not. Not in the slightest. Why didn’t my parents stop me, you ask? Well, really, what choice did they have? I mean, I didn’t even like the way the made toast, for christsake. Plus, with my steady diet of rice and soy sauce, I was not an expensive child to feed. (If only I had the same discipline now that I am responsible for purchasing my own rations! Damn!) Sometimes when my sweet tooth hit, I would make myself a snack: Rice Krispies and marshmallows micro- waved together (like a rice krispie bar, minus all the awful grease calories of butter, you see.) A little bit of brilliant, I know. Don’t ask me how exactly how long I survived on rice and nothing, but I have a feeling if I had documented the time span, Gandhi and I probably could have shared some stories.
My freshman year of college I lost 15 lbs. out of sheer slothfulness. I was literally too lazy to walk to the cafeteria. Sometimes I would stop in for a bite on my way back to my bed from a class. If I had gotten more than 4 hours of sleep the night before, this *usually* meant I had the capable motor skills to allow myself to be seen in a public space and to communicate my needs effectively to one of the cooks. If mobile skills were in tact but communication skills were not, I would just by- pass the human workers and make myself a piece of toast. And when I did make the trek of 100 yards from my dorm room to the cafeteria, I would steal bags of Saltines so I wouldn’t have to walk all the way back for dinner. To this day, it was the most effective diet I’ve ever been on.