Pseudo Boricua!

One Last Thing.

2011-12-30T21:33:00.001-04:00

I made it out alive, you guys. I write you now officially as a PhD student who has finished her first semester of classes. A PhD student thinking perhaps she should have cut back on the RHONJ episodes this summer and making her way through every drink in the Bartender's Black Book, and perhaps incorporated a touch more academic preparation. WHOOPS! It was fun while it lasted, and now the party is definitely over (but not really, as i am on Christmas break right now, soooo....yup, still time for a party).

This means obviously I am no longer a Pseudo Boricua. :( It means I now live in a world of perpetual snow instead of sand. This ALSO means I have a new blog with a new name. Email me, or put YOUR email in the comments if you want the new address.

I wish this final post was more...final. But the fiesta continues, so I guess it really isn't goodbye after all. We are headed to the after party, guys! Come on! And yes, there will be Don Q there!!!*

*seriously, i found some in the grocery store in my new town!

My Candle Burns at Both Ends

2011-05-29T12:38:00.001-04:00

I think I realize why weekends were invented. And that is to say that I've realized no one should really be going out for more than 3 days in a row.That shit is exhausting. And now I have to cram the last 4 years into two suitcases and a carry on. :( I can't say that I couldn't use a drink for this project.

I closed out my PRican bank account on Friday and I really almost started to cry. I mean, this is the real deal. I'M LEAVING PUERTO RICO IN 3 DAYSSSSSS!!!!

In happier news, this weekend (my last weekend!!!) shaped up to be something legendary. On Tuesday, I forgot that when drinking with a 230 pound male, you probably shouldn't try and go drink for drink with him... particularly if it involves tequila. Because if you do, you will end up with double vision by 9pm and have to go home to pass out. WONDERFUL!

On Thursday morning I woke up with sand in my hair and in my ears and in my bed. Sometimes that happens. I also had a huge bruise on my knee from drunkenly chasing JC down the beach before I fell over....something. A piece of bamboo? A rock? A shell? Maybe. The air? More likely.

Friday. I ate and drank with some friends in the afternoon, and then went somewhere else and drank some more. And danced. Some more. Repeat until the wee hours of the AM. I also learned that Ron Barrilito gives my some wicked heartburn. So that's kinda a shame.

That being said, Saturday was not the greatest day for me, as I had the shakes and wanted the Earth to swallow me up and spit me back out when this hangover was over. Instead of going to Skapularo on Sat, which was an event I had been looking forward to for a week or so, I had probably my last date night w/ The Hwy before I leave and watched a movie and then read in bed and looked forward to waking up tomorrow (today!) and not feeling like a junkyard. I think it worked!

The only pic from that night appropriate for the Internet


Medalla: Where would i be w/o you? (at home in bed)

That happened.

"My candle burns at both ends It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - It gives a lovely light."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

WG

2011-05-18T22:13:00.002-04:00

I haven't done this in a while!

Some good things that I am glad for:

PASSING MY THESIS DEFENSE LAST WEEK!!!

Having my mom and aunt visit made me realize just how frackin ready I am to get out of here. I was sad about it for awhile (see previous WG post), but now I am SO READY TO GO BACK TO THE MAINLAND!!!!!!!!!

Neti pot. I know the concept of them is gross or whatever, but it's also awesome. And I think we all do a lot of awesome things that could be considered gross, like, all the time. And not all of them clear out your sinuses and make you feel like you are breathing for the first time!

For lessons learned, and realizing it's okay to burn bridges that don't really lead anywhere, anyway - but also remembering :

"Don't insult the alligator until you have crossed the river" - some proverb

NO BIG DEAL.

2011-05-08T21:50:00.000-04:00

I AM DEFENDING MY THESIS TOMORROW (Monday)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone -- fingers and all other appendages crossed at 3pm! Do it!

Some Royal Thoughts

2011-05-02T19:41:00.003-04:00

"The Royal Wedding" was kinda hard to escape, no? Even living on an island.

Some things that struck me:

1.) Apparently the British tabloids called this woman "Waitey Katiey", because she waited "so long" for William to marry her. Um, yes, she did wait. And now she is a fucking princess/Dutchess/gets to be called Your Royal Highness/cannot by law work anymore for the rest of her life. I don't think she's allowed to cook or drive anymore, either. SHUCKS. Doesn't waiting just suck? Moral of the story: Waitey Katiey wins, Name Callers lose. Didn't we all learn this lesson in the 1st grade?

2.) I just love how "The Royal Wedding" took over the media, but just when you thought you couldn't hit the refresh button one more time w/o going bonkers waiting to find out where in the hell this damn Royal Honeymoon will be taking place, BAM! The 'ol U.S.of A. steps in and reminds us all who really runs the show by announcing bin Laden has been killed. Well well well, England. Hasn't this just been a swell weekend for all of us (really mostly "us" the US of A "us", though)? Sooowwry. Better luck trying to steal the spotlight next wedding!

3.) "Apparently" W & K wanted "everyone" to be able to celebrate with them (riiiight) and hoped that their wedding "will lift the spirits of a downtrodden nation" (puleeease), and one way of demonstrating this "accessibility" was by having her be the first "royal bride to travel to the palace in an automobile" (really? suggesting accessibility? or because the fucking thing is bulletproof??!) in like 40 years (seriously...?). WOW. How modern and accessible of them! And then they drove another really nice, modern and accessible car (an Aston Martin) to their super elite reception party, while all the little people "accessed" their joy via their televisions or pathetic little street parties. They're just like us!

4.) Does anyone RSVP "no" to a royal wedding invite? Do they even bother with RSVP's?

Weekly Graditude.

2011-04-30T21:52:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday night and I find myself with the night off of work and indulging in some Medallas...what better time to reflect on the week? Starting this should be easy because...

#1. Thank you, Cervecera India for brewing Medalla so deliciously and then putting it on sale for $11.98 this week at Econo (for a 24 pk of 7 oz. bottles). You are kinda making my week right now.

2. Thank you to demonoid.me and all of those nerdo people who know how to use torrents, and the HWY for showing me how to use them. I've been on a music spree this week, and should particularity thank the kind lady or gentleman who put every album from Pitchfork's top 200 of the 2000's in one file. You are my friend and a genius.

3. Bex for showing me that "Hello" song. Ummmm it's *kinda* catchy....

4. for Wednesday night because it was fun and hilarious.

5. Haircuts: I have bangs now. Bangs are nice because they suggest that you actually have a "hairstyle".

6. Puerto Rico for not really giving a rats ass about the Royal Wedding. Yay!

7. My brother for drunkenly calling me, giving me his credit card info, and insisting we buy a ticket for my mom to come visit me as a Mother's Day gift. MY MOMMA IS COMING TO VISIT MEEEEEEE!!! (Pay ya later, bro....! Much later. )

8. Cold feet for making me realize I am SO gonna miss Puerto Rico!!!!! Now it's starting to feel real, and I am not so excited to be leaving, but going to do it anyway of course :( I'm leaving June 1st :( :( :( I am trying to cram as much awesomeness into this last MONTH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh one monthhhhhhhhh :( :( :( I'm sad. I need another Medalla. Goodnight.

Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe me."
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky.

- Hafiz of Persia

Old San Juan and Adventures with KA

2011-04-26T11:02:00.001-04:00

Hola! So, last weekend KA and I went to Old San Juan for a conference vacation to present our academic work drink ourselves silly. Everything was accomplished on all accounts, and none of the pictures below are from this weekend because, though I remembered my charger and extra battery, I forgot my camera. KA remembered her camera, but not her battery. Don't we just make the best team ever???

But seriously, though it *was* for a real actual "academic thing", it was mostly an excuse to spend a weekend in Old San Juan and pretend like we could still drink like it was our first year of graduate school or something (I was pleasantly surprised to learn that, really, we still can). I was all good stuff, but let me just skip to the REALLY good stuff, which was Saturday night.

A little background before I begin this journey with you: KA and I both openly communicated to one another that we need to be on a budget this trip, as both of us have limited funds. Like actual limited funds and no backup funds, besides an uncashed check in my purse and an uncashed check of KA's in Aguadilla. In other words, our backup funds were 2 pieces of papers, one which was about 280 miles away. GREAT PLANNING, TEAM!

Saturday we finish the conference and go back to our hotel in Old San J. We find an excellent parking space, maybe 5 blocks from the hotel. We go up to the hotel room to pull ourselves together and sit in the room debating on taking a nap. We decide it's best, as always, to power through. We go downstairs and across the street to a chinchorro where we have our first chicharito and Medalla of the night, which was graciously paid for by a drunk gentleman standing next to us.

With a little happy juice in the system and still on budget, we wandered down to Old San Juan Harbor---- the brewery. Yes indeed, there is another beer made in PR aside from Medalla.Old Harbor makes a stout, pale ale, and a pilsner. Also FUN FACT, the San J Harbor restaurant has TOWERS OF BEER FOR $20!!!!!!!! That's like 12-15 glasses of beer for $20! KA and I chose the stout, because it's stout and hey, we're on a budget over here! We had some ceviche and tostones and after our 3rd beers started planning this ridiculous writing project having to do with indulgence (Don't ask, but clearly it's a topic we know a *little bit* about...).After we finished the tower of stout and jotting down our "indulgence notes" on the back of some old receipts i fished out of my purse, we were off to our next stop -- wherever that may be.

It ended up being at this place that sold canecas of chicharitos, which was something we were indeed interested in. As it turns out, 1/2 the popular of Old San Juan also were interested in this deal because there was a gazillion people swarming the counter for one. Oh, and when I got to the counter I realized you could pick a flavor. I chose guava, because why not? And then, just as I was almost to the counter a rather pushy ~~gentleman~~ asshole tried to elbow his way in front of me!!! Like, aggressive - style. I was shocked. Luckily, I am a lady and these hips don't lie - and also I come from a family of hockey players, so a little hip check to the boards was in order for this douchebag. He called me a bitch, but with a hint of awe in his voice, so I didn't take it personally. And then I got my caneca of guava flavored chicharito. And then we drank it all and left. Actually we drank 1/2 of it there, and then tried to leave with it but the security guard outside didn't like that plan. I was already outside, but KA was stranded in the doorway behind a large hairy security arm holding the 1/2 of the goods. With a roll of the eyes and a cringe, KA threw the rest of the good stuff down the hatch and handed the empty bottle to Senor Security Guard. No drop left behind!

We were feeling rather defeated at this point, i mean I get called a bitch and then KA gets heat from Senor Security Guard? sigh sigh sigh. How can we render this situation? What ever can we do to lift our spirits? Medalla usually works, so we try that at some old man bar. He has a table inside so we take a seat. I also get a water. And then another one. I've noticed lately that there is always one point in the night when hungover paranoia hits me and I down like 5 gallons of water because I just so do not want to deal with being hungover. And then 2 hours later, I had another one. Yes, we sat there for 2 hours drinking waters and Medallas.We were wastey wastoids by the juncture of the night, so a water and Medalla break was needed. We sat at the table and had several conversations about several different topics, mostly in the vein of "omg what will we do with our lives!?!" It's a common topic. Sometimes don't you just feel like that David goes to the Dentist kid, except you're not hopped up on sweet knock you out drugs, but still you're like "wait. woah. seriously, is this real life? This is awesome! Wait, are these all my fingers? This is not awesome. Someone pinch me." And then you scream. And then you get sad. And then you get confused. And then you pass out.

That was kinda like how that conversation was at the old man bar that night.

AFTER THAT, we went to ANOTHER BAR. I don't know what time it was. Maybe 1, maybe 2? Anyway, It was the 2nd greatest bar I've ever been to in my life. It is called El Batey, and if you are ever in Old San J you MUST GO. Best jukebox ever ever ever ever everrrrrr. EVER!

So we order our drinks. KA orders a Jameson on the rocks. A super practical drink to be ordering at 1-2 in the morning while "on a budget". It didn't matter, as it turns out, because we didn't really have a budget anymore, because all our money was gone. You can only have a budget when you have money to budget, you get me? The total is $7.25. I have $6 left to my name. KA has $0 left. Like I said: Best. Team. Ever. I tell her we HAVE TO find $1.25 more to give the bartender (you know, since we have already taken and started drinking our drinks and all...) After rummaging through our purses we come up with $1.25 in change. I tell KA we need MORE to give him for a tip. KA whips a handful of change out of her purse and she puts it on the bar for a tip. BEST. PATRONS. EVER. It gets even better: I don't find this out until the next day, but what KA has given the bartender as a tip is a handful of CANADIAN MONEY. Recently obsessed with Canada, KA has been carrying around Canadian coins. Awesome. Just....awesome. All my friends are fucking bonkers and I just love that.

A couple hours later (yes, a couple hours) I find $3 hidden in a pocket in my purse. We decide to spend $1 on the jukebox. A couple more hours later, we still haven't heard our songs, but maybe we have because it's so flipping packed in this place now that I can't hear a thing. We leave with or without without hearing our jukebox songs.

On the walk home, we spot a water vending machine outside of a church (no joke). We climb up the stairs to the church and part with our last $2 in return for two 2 ice cold waters from the machine. Best $2 I've ever spent.

On the way back to the hotel, KA notices that there are quite a few parking spots open in the street, now that it's some ridiculous hour in the AM, so maybe it would be a good idea to just move her car up a couple blocks closer to the hotel! I raise my eyebrows and give her the "really?" look. She rolls her eyes and tells me to get in.

After the car is moved and we've made it back to the hotel, we sit up drinking our water, eating granola bars that I stashed from the conference food table, and talking about shit that neither of us remembers the next day. Before we go to sleep, I text the HWY "goodnight".

He is already awake for work and texts back "Don't you mean good morning?"

No, I definitely do not.

FINALLY!!!!!!

2011-04-14T11:00:00.000-04:00

On Monday, I handed in my thesis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it was probably the most anti-climatic moment of my life.

I gave it to the lady and she was like, "ok" and I was like "...ok..." Confusion.

What I really wanted to say was "Where is the confetti, woman???? Where are the dancing bears with my congratulations cake???" But alas, I didn't. I just asked her "Really? I don't need to do anything else?", which translates into "THIS IS IT?!?!??!?!?????????????? This is the climax?? " .I wonder if the graduate studies secretaries realize that probably every student who ever hands them a hard copy of their thesis is kinda waiting for something more than "ok". But then again, why the fuck should they care? Congratulations, bitch, you sat on your ass writing some shit that no one will ever read. Kind of keeps you grounded to realize even though you accomplished one of the largest feats in your life, no one really gives a flying fuck.

Anyhoo. Let me start with Part I : Lost in Translation

Last Friday: I was kinda basically sorta done with my thesis (or so I thought) , minus some small bibliography citations, and I was ready to hand this shit it. Friday in the AM I was on barista duty, but in the afternoon I went home finished the bib and printed my thesis. I made sure I had an electronic copy also, and a receipt for my graduation payment (both which I later learned were completely unnecessary). I had covered all possible angles (or so I thought).

I arrive at the graduate studies office kinda sorta in a panic, because it was 3:30pm already, and I didn't know what time they closed (3? 3:30? 4? 4:30?). Also, i was kinda sorta in a panic because I just wanted this shit to be over with. Please take the thesis. Please. The girl at the desk DID take it! Yay! But, not before the director of grad studies came out and flipped through it, and noticed a little something: "You don't have your resumen?", he asked. "My resume? No! Why would I attach my resume???" I had read nothing of bringing a copy of my resume! "Yes", he tells me, "You need your resumen in English and Spanish."

CONFUSION!!!!!!! oh, and DEFEAT!!!

I am sad and maybe sorta shed a few tears on the drive home. I mean, why in the HELL would i need to attach my resume??? In Spanish AND English?? I had read nothing about bringing a copy of my resume, no one had told me I needed a copy of my resume.

I arrive home and pull up my CV on the computer. I start translating it into Spanish. It's 4 pages long, 11pt font, so this kinda sort took a long time for me to do. When the HWY gets home, I have him proof read it, which kinda sort took a long time for him too since I had translated it so shittily. Then, when he is done, I EMAIL IT TO ANOTHER P-RICAN FRIEND, so she can proof read it.

Before, I go to bed, I ask the HWY to please read with me the requirements for submission of your thesis, just to make sure I have not forgotten anything this time. We get to a bullet point which says: "Un resumen (español) y un abstract (inglés)". He tells me: you need an abstract in both English and Spanish.

CONFUSION!!!

But, but...resumen...resumen...means...resume....resumen....is...resume...!....?.....??????

NO. Resumen means "resume" means summary AKA abstract.

WHOOPS! Defeated by a simple false cognate.

Now, for Part 2, which will be much shorter:

So, after THAT was cleared up and one anxiety attack and mental breakdown later, I just had to do an abstract in Spanish. Meh. And then, on Monday, the FINAL DAY to submit your thesis and apply for the oral defense, I turned it in!!!!!!!! I immediately left school, and immediately began to celebrate.

I mean, grab a 6 - pack and head to the beach where you backfloat topless (and that was only after 1 beer!!) wondering why life can suck so BAD one day, and then be so totally awesome the next CELEBRATE. It was some of my best hours EVER in life. Do you know how RELAXING it is to float in the ocean? Ah. Mah. Gawd. So relaxing. The Medalla helped, too. Then I went home and took a nap. Then KA came over and we went out with the Hwy and others to celebrate and I was incredibly hungover on Tuesday, but didn't really mind because I didn't have the guilt of working on my thesis hanging over my head anymore, so I just let myself be a lazy hungover sloth. Sometimes you gotta!

Wishes

2011-04-02T21:19:00.000-04:00

ACK! This week it's Weekly Wishes. Go with it.

This week: SO so so so so fucking sick (actually. flu? allergies? anxiety induced ulcer?), and also sick of writing my thesis. By a stroke of luck, I didn't have to work at the bar tonight, and so I have spent it ~~finishing the last chapter of my thesis~~ catching up on T.V. Meh.

Hating toward my thesis this week has made me reflective of all the awesome careers I *should have* pursued. Here's what I have so far:

Careers in my next life

A section string player in a philharmonic orchestra
oceanographer
archeologist
anthropologist
professional scam artist who has a perfect record, is filthy rich and never gets arrested or goes to jail EVER.
The female Ironman. Ironwoman.
Giselle Bundchen
Queen of the Universe

Yay! I will be wishing on star tonight for the possibility of any of these happening.

Double Edge Sword

2011-03-31T13:26:00.000-04:00

Whenever I get mad at my thesis and that it won't finish itself already, I think to myself: Dude, you get to write your thesis on a tropical island. Could this situation BE any better??? Pull yourself together, you lucky bitch!

...And then I suddenly really want to go the beach. :(

A Sign, I Think.

2011-03-27T12:46:00.000-04:00

I saw Mike D from the Beastie Boys at the bar last night! And The Highway served him a soy macchiato at the coffee shop! Which makes Mike D. awesome (a macchiato is my personal fave as well) and also a bastard (it's nearly impossible to steam soy milk suitable for latte art when it is in a tiny, tiny demitasse cup).

Since about the 10th grade, The Beastie Boys have signified summer for me (I don't know why. But I'm sure it involves driving around. You know, since driving around aimlessly comprises about 90% of my high school memories). Now that I'm older, (wiser?), and kinda think driving is annoying, they are my go-to BBQ music.The three (four?) B's: Beer, BBQ, Beastie Boys.

And so my time in Puerto Rico is complete.(I just wish Mike D. would have filled me in on the Master Plan :( ...)

A Legit Questions

2011-03-25T21:39:00.001-04:00

Why is it that in every movie or T.V. show, during the school week, the teenage characters in the show are always , like, AWAKE and having breakfast at the table with their parents??? Seriously! What's up with that? What teenage kid wakes up early enough 1.) to EAT breakfast, period. 2.) sit DOWN at the table, with like other people, and eat breakfast. 3.) Converse with those people. 4.) Without ever drinking a cup of coffee.

It makes no sense. Every person I knew in high school was chowing Pop Tarts in first period, which is why Can't Hardly Wait the most realistic teenage high-jinx movie ever made.

Just sayin'.

Weekly G's

2011-03-25T21:00:00.003-04:00

Amazon.com. For reals! It has helped me organize and keep a list of things I need to read (even if I don't get them from Amazon) because if I am reading one thing and it references another work, I just go to Amazon and find the book and add it to my "Wishlist" -- all in like 5 seconds! And then I go back later when I am reading and look at all the books I saved and then try and find them for cheaper (or for borrowed or free). It has also been helpful because of that little "you may also be interested in..." part where they list a bunch of other books similar to the one you are viewing. I HAVE been interested, many a times, Amazon. So thank you, for your clever (but helpful, when you are for example trying to find similar theorists or work to something you are already citing) marketing strategies.

Coffee in the morning. Green tea in the afternoon. Wine in the evening.

The glorious feeling of finishing something before a self-administered deadline (I finished revising a draft today). Usually when I give myself a "deadline", I end up extending it. You know, because it's not a "real" deadline. Well, this week things just got REAL folks. I needs to finish the motherfuckin' thesis before April 11th!!!!!! Not ONLY finish it, but have it revised and formatted into its COMPLETE form, and have ALL committee signatures signed off on it. Before April 11th. Ze pressure es ON.

So, there's a new bar attached to the bakery up the street from me that hasn't *officially* opened yet. Who opens a bar attached to a bakery, you ask? Only. In. Puerto. Rico. Whoever decorated it is awesome, and apparently there is an Ikea somewhere it Puerto Rico that I don't know about because shit looks like it came straight out of an Ikea ad. I'm cool with that. Modern. Spacious. Simple. Just the BESTEST of BEST environment for me to work in (completely alone w/o Internet distraction), especially since they bakery people let me go in there at 8 in the morning to write. YAY bakery people! Thanks for trusting a girl to hang in there alone among so much unaccounted for booze.

Breaking Bad. GREATEST SHOW EVER! (Besides HIMYM, of course). I'm talking tonight off and starting Season 3 tonight, you know since I accomplished my deadline and all :)

My quote this week isn't very uplifting, but holy shit if it isn't BRILLIANT. Also, it reminds me of the world today, like TODAY. Iraq. Afgahnistan. Libya. UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Please everyone let's get over ourselves and stop now, please. Please.

All throwing shapes, every one of them
Convinced he’s in the right, all of them glad
To repeat themselves and their every last mistake,
No matter what.

People so deep into
Their own self-pity, self-pity buoys them up.
People so staunch and true, they’re fixated,
Shining with self-regard like polished stones.
And their whole life spent admiring themselves
For their own long-suffering.

-Seamus Heaney, The Cure at Troy

Home Stretch

2011-03-23T21:52:00.003-04:00

Yes, this is happening.

I have until April 11th to submit my FINAL THESIS DRAFT. No blood, sweat, and (many) tears included.

Quick, someone encourage me! (Bex, you are the only one who comments on this --- give me somethin'!)

WG: A Tough Week to Work With.

2011-03-20T12:39:00.004-04:00

Late again.

So, I guess I am doubling up since last week I was a little too busy getting sunburned 3 days in a row at the beach ("Howdy, Skin Cancer! See ya in a couple years.") to write anything. Sunscreen is sneaky sometimes: for example when like when it says "waterproof" on the front, but then on the back it also says "reapply after swimming". Ummmm, what?!?!? So basically there is no such thing as waterproof sunscreen, is what this tells me, and that they are all the same damn thing?

Anyway......last week was fun, as Sofia was visiting from Sweden! Yeee hawww for visitors! It's fun to have visitors on vacation, because then I don't feel bad going on a semi-vacation myself. And getting sunburnt 3 times.

The truth is, it's 8:30 PM and I'm EXHAUSTED right now and could probably just close my eyes sitting right here in this chair at the kitchen table and sleep for about 16 hours straight. Right here, right now. Let's do this. That just sounds so comfortable right now (notevenkiddingalittlebit). I just can't wait for this thesis shit to be OVER. Over and done with so I can think (or not think!) about anything else. Anything at all. Or nothing at all (even better)!!!!!!!

I digress. This is supposed to be a post about all the good crap going on. Meh, I suppose I'll give it a whirl:

KITTENS! You seriously have to have a heart of stone if you don't think kittens are cute. Does thinking they are cute mean you want a litter of them dropped off at your front door? Negative. But, say, dropped off at your neighbors front door? SURE! What I am trying to say is that a stray cat that hangs around our Apt. had kittens this week -- and thankfully not in our apartment this time! Yay! She had them upstairs, which means via the unspoken code of Apartment Building Stray Cat Ethics, those lucky people now have to feed and take care of the kitten family. Sorry, upstairs people, but we all have our turn in this mess (until someone finally just takes the damn thing to get spayed, that is...).

Having something to look forward to. Seriously, you guys. This summer/fall is going to KICK ASS. Now, I need to stop procrastinating and FINISH THIS THESIS so I WILL actually be doing something new this fall!

Working at a bar. Two Words: free drinks. I won't complain.

Cloudy days in Puerto Rico. I don't feel guilty for staying inside all day.

Grapefruit juice being on sale at the grocery store this week. Really. That was a major highlight.

Weekly Gratitude

2011-03-05T14:39:00.002-04:00

National Geographic for being so awesome. I just love this magazine! It inspires me on many different levels, and they always seem to have articles about things I didn't even know I was interested in (which makes them even better than the Internet in that regard...I don't even have to think of something to google! Lazy, much?)

Pickles : The Perfect Snack.

ISU for rejecting me and thus relieving me of having to make a difficult decision ; I'm going to Michigan Tech!!!!!!

Being able to live in the Caribbean. 86 F and sunny with a slight breeze makes everything better.

Having a job in a terrible economy, even if some days they seem like really unbearable jobs (I'm kinda *over the service industry. This time for real.) Tourist tips = good. Strange hours = bad.
Having something lined up for when I graduate.

The chamomile I planted for starting to sprout!!!! I GREW SOMETHING!
...Speaking of, basil is the one plant that i can seem to grow... And I have A LOT of it! I love basil and wine. *see below And I have an abundant supply of both.
The HWY for teaching me how to grow shit. When I first started, I couldn't figure out why my basil would grow a couple inches, and then stop (because I had it in the tiniest of pots and the roots had nowhere to go...Dur.)

"Karma is a bitch only if you are" - author unknown

The Blue Whale Dies.

2011-02-28T23:22:00.004-04:00

The Blue Whale is dead! I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT TO WRITE ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!! Wow. So, it's a funny story...

The Blue Whale has been under some major repairs and renovations for the past...9 months or so. But really more so in the past 2 months, because that's when I've had some money to make said repairs. The Highway and his buddy Fly decided they are capable men who were willing to undertake such a projects as trying to fix a 30 year old STATION WAGON. We are talking an old, old station wagon. The kind that weighs about 8 tons and is made entirely of steel.

In all honestly, The Blue Whale has technically been road ready for the 9 months -- meaning that I *could have* started it up and I *could have* driven it somewhere if need be. But it was just easier to drive The Highways car, as it is not 8 tons and doesn't take about 10 gallons of gas to drive a mile to the grocery store.

Some issues the Blue Whale had:

In need of a new muffler
some alleged collaborator problems
could have used some new break pads

This last little gem is a little something we found out the hard way. Or, should I say The Highway found out the hard way. In this case, the "hard way" was rolling backwards in a 8 ton steel death trap car down a hill with a giant cliff at the bottom... The good news is that it turns out The Highway's time spent in the Army was good for one thing: it taught him the importance of the "tuck and roll" method of escape, which is what he needed to do as he was in the driver's seat of a car that was heading backwards off a cliff.

A vid of the tow-out:

* yes, I know the vid isn't working right now. No, I do not know how to fix it...

A pic to tide you over:

One of the greatest things about this car is I bet I could put the keys in the ignition and it would start right back up... INDESTRUCTIBLE, this thing! Also, please note the fence it torn down on it's way over.

Have You Met My Friend Ted?

2011-02-25T23:00:00.003-04:00

Does not every.single.episode of How I Met Your Mother somehow truly and directly relate to your own life at the exact moment you are watching it??? *sigh*

You can add this to the "gratitude" list, too!

Weekly Be-Gratitudes!

2011-02-25T14:15:00.008-04:00

A little joke for all you Catholics out there. So clever...

But seriously. The lovely blog Love, Life, Lace that I frequent in fits of procrastination from thesis writing has a Weekly Gratitude post and dang it if that isn't a good idea. And, it just so happens that this week has been a rather wonderful one, so what better time to begin?!?!

Thankful for...

Taking afternoon siestas on the hammock
major scholarships
Rum + Soda Water + Lime
finding some forgotten pics of my adorbs nephew on my camera (see below)
my sister for having the kids and letting me be the crazy aunt
the carrot cupcakes BDang just started getting...YUM. overpriced yet worth it.
homemade bread/pizza and other delicious carbohydrates
watching cats take naps. they always seem to fall asleep in the strangest positions.
the meditative joy I get in peeling a hard boiled egg (it really is the small things, no?)

having an amazing academic advisor who:

despite being so busy with her own projects, still finds time to encourage me when I need it
...congratulates me when I deserve it
...lets me emotional breakdowns in her office when I've had it
...and who is a cool and inspiring lady!

His eyes do the talking for him: "Help!"

he definitely has his mother's eyes!

babies laughing are funny, no?!

"The earth was warm under me, and warm as I crumbled it through my fingers...I kept as still as I could. Nothing happened. I did not expect anything to happen. I was something that lay under the sun and felt it, like the pumpkins, and I did not want to be anything more. I was entirely happy."

-Willa Cather, from My Antonia

Some U.P. Thoughts

2011-02-21T12:55:00.005-04:00

'Yello! So, my school visit went SPLENDIDLY, and I liked it better than I thought I would! So, I'm happy about that. The particular town I visited was Houghton, MI, which is in the U.P. of Michigan. It reminded me of Hayward, WI. Very cute, old architecture, hand painted signs for everything, etc etc. There was a candy store and a little bookstore right next to each other (don't ask me why, but the bookstore and candy store were two of my fave things in Hayward as a child...I suppose because books and candy are the best things ever!)

When I went on a walk by myself through town one morning (which has cobblestone streets!) nearly everyone I passed on the sidewalk said "Hello!" super energetically --- despite the fact it was 8 AM and freezing cold out and I was a complete stranger. I just got the sense that these are genuinely nice and happy people. I was thinking about this yesterday after a girl in BDang said "thank you" like 10 times between ordering her smoothie and receiving it, which in fact did not impress me because at that point it just seems fake. The way she was saying it was almost like she was reminding herself to say "thank you"; that it was not something she would naturally do. Not to say she wasn't in fact a nice or "good" person, but the niceness seemed so freaking forced. And so I was thinking about my recent visit to "the North" (technically, they tell me it is not the midwest... and I suppose I agree. No one likes owning up to being from the midwest :( But, the U.P. is more North than the midwest. The midnorth, you could say? quasi-Canada?) and how everyone seemed genuine in their interactions. I believed them when they said "thank you" or "have a nice day".

Oh yeah, and plus the town has a micro-brewery and pub...that we visited every day! YES, please!

Here are some pics, not taken by me. I did take pics, but it turns out Valarie's (another girl visiting the school with her husband) are much better than mine :

Not a library! In fact, a library/bar!!! AKA "Heaven".

The police station is in this building

Cross country skiing and snow shoeing!

The Supper Club!

Local Newspaper!


cool looking buildings!

Birthplace of hockey? Sure, why not.

another cool building! Plus snowglobe snow drifting in the air!

local brew!

No Words.

2011-02-10T23:53:00.002-04:00

Today was the first day I was not hungover since Superbowl Sunday. Not only do I feel amazing today, but I have also renewed my vows to never drink in excess ever again because dammit if hangovers aren't the WORST. THING. EVER. My question in the morning is always the same: "Why didn't you drink more water, you dumbass?" (Note it has nothing to do with the abundance of alcohol i DID drink...Heavens no. Water was clearly at fault here for not being hydrating enough...Idiot.).

So anyhoo. Being in a hungover state for roughly 70% of the week did not stop me from enjoying a few things --- namely, PARASAILING! For FREE!!!! Just kidding! It cost me a wink and a smile ;) JAJAJAJA. But, seriously, it did. I just love being a woman sometimes. I did however want vom all over the Caribbean on the boat ride back. Boat rides + Hangovers = Super Nausea. Noted. Lesson learned! For the third time....

It Never Ends!

2011-02-09T16:49:00.000-04:00

Wow. I'm almost embarrassed to be posting on here, as i have not posted in.....FOREVER. Or something like that.

Yeah, I'm still alive. My last gramdparent, however, is not. Grandma Lauer took up with the spirit in the sky this past Sunday (YES, the same Sunday the GREEN BAY PACKERS WON THE SUPERBOWL I LOVE YOU ~~AARON ROGERS~~ CLAY MATTHEWSSSSSSSSSS (cuz of the hair, duh)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But this is another story for another day....).

So, yeah. In case you haven't noticed, every time i leave the Midwest, someone dies. I try not to blame this on myself. I blame the winter to be perfectly honest. It's cold (not good for old people) and it's depressing (not good for anyone). And, what does winter symbolize if not death?!?!

Without going into too much detail ( i don't want to jinx anything, so details will be revealed later when i have received all my acceptances and rejections), but I was accepted into a PhD. program!!! *yay* So I guess in the fall, I will be pseudo-something else (pseudo-doctor? HA! i kid, i kid...). Anyway, that happened so I'm glad. The times they are a changin'!

Some Brief Thoughts on Drugs.

2011-01-11T01:44:00.001-04:00

I had a total mental breakdown today, and then took my first Xanax. I looked it up Wikipedia first (the knowledge center for lazy people) to see if there were side effects/what exactly it does it you, etc etc. I read on there it takes a week for the effects to take place, but really I think they must have meant A SINGLE PILL. Holy crap. I think this is the magical golden caplet Franzen is referring to in .The Corrections(it's called "Aslan", in the book). It has to be! I feel like I should go outside and find grassy knoll to lie down in and let the sun put me to sleep. However, it is 1:30 in the AM so that isn't really in the cards at the moment. Shucks.

Last night I was talking to N about sleeping pills, specifically Ambien, which in my opinion is basically a roofie disguised as a sleeping pill. The first time I took one, I woke up in the morning and looked it up on Wikipedia (I like to be informed, what can i say?) and saw it caused "increased sexual arousal". I giggled to myself, and jokingly said something to The Highway about it. He looked at me hurt: "You don't remember last night?", he asks.

Friends, I didn't remember anything 5 minutes after taking the Ambien. It's fucking crazy how a tiny little pill can put you on your ass so quickly. Though, as it so happens, I did not fall on my ass, per say, but rather slid off the chair I was sitting in and had to be picked up and carried to bed in an Ambien-induced knockout, where I then allegedly tried to put the moves on The Highway but fell asleep before anything good happened. Like I said: ROOFIED!

Drugs make me nervous, but I took one tonight because other things in this life make me more nervous.

Dear 2010, You Owe Me An Apology.

2011-01-09T01:10:00.001-04:00

...I'll be waiting for it.

Wow, did 2010 suck or what?! Holy crap. WORST YEAR EVER. I really can't emphasize that enough. No need to do a re-cap of All Things Horrible 2010, because you probably already know most of them if you are reading this right now. The good news: 2010 is gone and never coming back! Yay! AND, even though I had to work at the bar on NYE, I still managed to ring in 2011 singing karaoke to "Don't Stop Believin'". Soooo, ya know. So far, so good.

2011 I can already feel is going to be The Year of Decisions. I guess that's a good thing? It's kind of funny, because when I was home for Christmas last year right before my brother died, I remember talking with him about colleges/"the future", and I told him when he feels stressed to just to remember that even though making decisions like this (applying to colleges/deciding "what to do w/ your life") seems scary, you should try and look at it as exciting because you are at a point in your life where you can do whatever you want to do, and you get to decide that. All opportunities are good opportunities, so to speak. The world is your oyster. Life's a garden; dig it. Etc, etc...

And that advice worked *so well* for him. And, here I am now, antagonizing about my own future (yet again...seriously now, do crisis' always happen in like 4 year increments or is it just me?) and totally ignoring my own "words of wisdom". I kind of *regret* thinking that just because I didn't have the attention span/interest for math class, I decided that I was completely horrible in "the sciences". You know what I mean? It's like you get one bad grade in math class in High School -- or you're just not into math -- and you suddenly decide all careers oriented in the sciences are off limits to you. So foolish.

I have quite a few resolutions for 2011, which for me is like an entire "to do" and "goals" list for the year. And already, 8 days in, there is plenty to be looking forward to and stressing about! Woot woot! 2011: Sleep Less, Drink More (coffee).

Genuinely Retarded Everyday Test!

2010-12-24T19:02:00.000-04:00

I took the GRE on Wednesday, and I'm truly having a difficult time remembering the last time I've felt like such a complete moron. For real, you guys! Complete. Moron. Who the fuck remembers geometry anymore (even if you did take it twice in high school)?!??! I thought we all forgot it after freshman year. I mean, at least that's what I tried to do...*visions of (teacher) Joan J. flashing thru my head*. The most disappointing part is, despite taking (including Jr. High - college classes) over 6 YEARS of algebra in some form, I apparently retained nothing (or less than nothing???! OR, - nothing?!?! or, is it positive, since it was divided by a positive???! ). UGH! WHO KNOWS. Why does math ALWAYS COME BACK TO HAUNT ME?!?!? Boooo math nightmares. You've scarred me yet again.

Hot Wheels.

2010-12-06T20:40:00.003-04:00

I'm having flashbacks of living in Maya tonight. I have been without a car for ONE WEEK, and tonight I am sitting here in from of the computer because...out of gas, out of road, out of car (name that tune!). I'm thinking about walking down to Calypso because N is working, but the risk of being run off the road/victim of a pedestrian hit and run/having my body found in the mangroves makes me think twice about it. But, not eliminate the option completely....For now, tonight I am becoming a seasoned Torrent downloader. I really want to watch Party Girl, but it's taking ages to download. Times of silence such as these kinda make me wonder like, uhhhhhhhh, what did i actually do before The Highway was around, and I was alone all the fracking time? (Probably work on my thesis. *ba-dah-ching!*)

I missed my class tonight due to the car situation. The car "situation" is that my keys have been lost since THURSDAY. Luckily (?), I really was sick this weekend, which made it easier to call in sick to work, since I wasn't *technically* lying about it. Nevertheless, I still fell like a loser. Out of desperation, I tried to Skype into my class tonight and when my ADVISER answered my frantic Skype call to the classroom computer, my pathetic face popped up in the video and I realized I was wearing a strapless top which means it looked like I was calling in the nude. :( *sigh* Humiliating. Maybe funny tomorrow. We will see.

The Blue Whale. On vacation until I find the keys :(

Last Legs

2010-11-23T21:08:00.002-04:00

heeeyyoooooo. i've had a couple of ~~sips~~ ~~glasse~~s bottles of vino tinto (not to mention a mojito gasolina...more on that later) so i suppose it's time for me to update this shite.

What has been happening, you ask? Well, for the first time in basically as long as i can remember, payday arrived on the 15th and I was completely taken aback by its arrival! As in, it's the first time in a LONG ASS TIME i haven't been counting down the days until I will receive my next payback. NICE! This also means I have been WORKING MY ASS OFF! And no, I don't mean "writing my thesis so hard all day everyday" working hard. I mean I worked 30 hours THIS WEEKEND at my 2 real person jobs! 30 HOURS! This is getting a little insane, yet at the same time I always have money in my pocket, so whose to complain? (Me. I complain about it ALL THE TIME.). Anyhooooo.....

I'm trying to "set my priorities straight" (finishing my thesis) but it's been somewhat difficult lately. Mainly because all I really want to do is watch horrible television (Gossip Girl) and Christmas movies and not think of much of anything for a change. Thinking is...a pain in the ass sometimes. ALSO, last weekend I WAS A PSEUDO BAR OWNER!!!! The owner was out of town and (as he has not other employees) I was trusted to hold the fort down! It was a VERY long weekend.

In other news, I've taken it upon myself to try every flavor of "Gasolina" (capri sun meets alcohol) on the Puerto Rican market. I had shunned it in the past, as I had only tried the original. And also because I'm not a fan of drinks that come in foil pouches (see boxed wine). but alas, The Highway and I stopped for gas on my bday, and I noticed in the cooler at the gas station a "mojito" gasolina! You could say it was love at first sight. Drinks in pouches are powerful stuff, that is a given. The Mojito gasolina was life changing. "How could one screw up rum, lime, sugar, and mint?" I asked myself. I still have not found the person/corporation that could. I've since tried the "pink martini" gasolina, the "sea breeze" gasolina, and the "tu madras" gasolina. The sea breeze was aight, but the mojito gasolina still holds the crown.

Defeat.

2010-11-03T12:51:00.001-04:00

I met with my adviser on Monday and she gently informed me that, while if I wanted to graduated in December/Jan. I could...but that maybe it would be easier for me to wait until the Spring. I agreed.

DEFEAT. DEFEATED. Tanto nadar para morir en la orilla. Fuck.

She brought up some good points: Did I have something planned for Jan. that I absolutely needed to be graduated for? (no...) Have I thought seriously (and not just have pipe dreams) about what I might want to really do after I graduate? (negative...) Maybe by waiting to graduate, i could allow myself the month of November to prepared and submit applications to "certain things" that have applications due in December (good idea...) Aside from actually graduating and getting the H out of dodge, what was my hurry? (nothing.)

Despite all these good reasons, I still feel defeated.

Chop Chop

2010-10-29T13:12:00.000-04:00

Also, I've been extremely tempted to cut my hair lately. EXTREMELY. Why? I have no idea. It is especially curious because the past 4 years I have adored having long hair. I just don't know why I have a sudden wish for short, I make no sense. Thankfully though, I do have enough sense to know cutting my hair won't automatically make me look this this girl :

...and so the scissors stay put.

So you Want to Get a PhD in the Humanities?

2010-10-29T11:15:00.003-04:00

Uh, not anymore...!

Too Much Work, Not Enough Money

2010-10-27T13:20:00.001-04:00

...The working mans/womans story. They say God doesn't give you anymore than you can handle, but sometimes I think he comes really fucking close.

Because some employees left the coffee shop, it's only 3 of us left. AWESOME. So, I was (am) scheduled to work 5 days at the coffee shop and 3 at the bar. Um, NO. And NO again. I enjoy days off, thank you, and was ready to have a mental breakdown from stress. My revisions were due on Monday, which did not happen as I worked at the coffee shop AND the bar EVERY DAY THIS WEEKEND. I hate going from one job to another -- it sucks and is stupid and i'm pissed because it wasn't supposed to be like this. The deal was, I was going to work 2 days at each place. So anyhooooo, come Monday, I was already behind on thesis work. Thankfully, before the mental breakdown thing could happen, The Highway agreed to work for me today so I can continue to work on revision before i go to work at the damn bar this evening.

I MUST FINISH THIS STUPID THING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eat, Pray, Buy.

2010-10-14T22:15:00.000-04:00

Ooohhh dear lord what have I done. In the midst of a "quick little break" from writing my thesis (which ironically is saturated with Marxist and cultural studies theory...) I managed to spend $88 shopping online. WHY. DID. I. DO. THAT???

I was bored? I needed new clothes? I had $88 extra dollars to burn? I wanted to have something to look forward to in the mail? None of the above, except maybe the last one. I DID IT BECAUSE IT WAS THERE. There, in my inbox, an email from a company whose subject line had the word "sale" in it. "Hey, sale!", said the Credit Card on my right shoulder. "You like sales...", it reminded me. I DO like sales! Then the Empty Wallet on my left shoulder spoke to me and said, "Look you broke ass bitch, is it a free sale? Because it would have to be a free sale in order for you to participate." Then the Credit Card on the right told me to look one last time at those adorable oxfords that are 30% off! And then the Credit Card entered all the information in and pushed the "buy" button when I was trying to negotiate with Empty Wallet on the left and not looking. What a jerk!

I found the Time issues w/ Jonathan Franzen on the cover in a free magazine shelf at the coffee shop. I was reading the article while bartending last night (very slow night), and it said he rids his workspace of all distractions, most importantly INTERNET. He is pretty hardcore, because the dude SUPERGLUES an ethernet cable into the port and then chops the sucker off, so the end is forever jammed in there rendering it Internet-less for all of eternity. WOW. Now that is dedication. And of course removes his wireless card, for which superglue is not necessary (for some reason the superglue thing really impressed me, I guess). I also read somewhere once that his advice to writers was, in essence, to get off the goddamn Internet because you will never write anything when you are connected to it.

Case in point: ME! Good old Me and the 'ol 3 year thesis. Je-sus. This "eliminating distractions" idea is something I need to embrace. Sadly, the supergluing the ethernet cable into my computer is not something that is going to happen. SADLY. Because that is really an awesome idea. I was was thinking of burning my computer when I finishing my thesis, but perhaps I will keep around so I can see how many things I have to superglue into it before I can't find anything more ways to fiddle w/ my computer, and just have to sit there and fucking write something.

Thesis progress: 16 pp of Ch. 1 (and i've been waking up at 6:30Am everyday this week! yay! such discipline.)

Oktoberfest in PR or The Day of Drinking Dark Brews

2010-10-10T20:10:00.001-04:00

Hey, remember when I used to get drunk and have fun all the time? Yeah, so do I. Those were the days! My salad years. Now the only time I seem to fit in a drink is when I need an alternative to weeping in front of a blank computer screen.

So, the weather has been shit the past couple days in PR, and it has been AWESOME. It's cloudy and there is a slight breeze in the air, and if you close you eyes and turn on the fan you can imagine it's Fall somewhere!!! Like Wisconsin! Or Germany.

Ok. Germany: Every year around this time,I start to get a little nostalgic for Europe -- Germany specifically. Why? Because Fall in Germany is the shit, and so is...CHRISTMAS. OMG. Every year I waste at least a week sitting online looking up pictures of Christmas Markets, or Weihnachtsmarkt, and various gluhwein recipes. Ironically, of all the pictures I have from my year studying abroad and other trips to Europe I have NEVER TAKEN A PICTURE AT A CHRISTMAS MARKET! It makes me sad every year. And every year I start this Great Internet Search which includes all of the above, plus a last minute STA and Orbitz search for plane tickets.

I did not buy a plane ticket to Germany. BUT, I did go to Oktoberfest in PR! I have been saving up for a month so I could go to this event with a nice cushion of spendable money to squander, and ooo did I spend it all...The Highway and I enjoyed various stouts and Oktoberfest micro brews and had some spatzel and brats. I love outside events in the evening! They are so fun. It was more crowded this year than it was last, but not overly crowded and it seemed to be a good mix of people from the West coast... i saw people from Cabo Red, Maya, Rincon...It was worth the travel I believe :) Good times were had, and it was the first thing i have looked forward to in a longggggggggg time. And now it's back to Medalla.

Procrastination Station

2010-10-04T12:38:00.000-04:00

I have become the worst procrastinator ever. And I don't mean "wow, I sure do procrastinate a lot...that is bad." While the previous statement is obvious, I mean that I am bad at being a procrastinator because my procrastination has no limits anymore. A note to procrastinators: procrastinating becomes much much more difficult when there is no deadline, or in this case, if you are the one setting a deadline. THE WORST. Because that means you can just change the deadline. And change it again, and again. And AGAIN. For all of eternity. Procrastinators need deadlines; it's how they ever get anything done in the first place. The starting of a project at the exact moment you can wait no longer to start it. The finishing of a project at the exact moment it is to be submitted, coffee stained and crinkled. So, I have become the worst procrastinator ever because i no longer know my limits of procrastinating. There is no "last minute possible" hoovering to motivate me to start at the last possible second so i will be able to finish at the last possible second. And the elimination of this last possible second, my friends, is a procrastination nightmare.

Building Something Out of Nothing

2010-09-30T20:30:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah, I keep a blog. Sometimes I seem to forget this little factoid. Oops, and sorry to anyone who cares. "I will try and do better". Famous last words.

Ughhhhhhh. I'm watching a show on Nova whose narrator is an old man from College de France, and B in IN FRANCE! SHe may be in Germany by this point. Double Ughhh!! Living vicariously is cool. Though i prefer the real deal. But alas. No dinero. I did spend an entire night last week looking up plane tickets on STA though (still can get the teacher discount, yessss!) I found a roundtrip from JFK to Hamburg in November (just in time for my bday!) for $600...not bad at all! But opps, i don't have $600. Damn!

I can't even tell you how desperate I am to work in Europe. DESPERATE, I tell you! Sadly, visas given to English teachers are far and few, seeing as how they have this little thing called "United Kingdom" there, who need no visa. Bastards!!!! It's times like these I start to get all angry at the U.S. immigration debate. Every other country (...in the EU...) requires a visa to live/work there. Why is the US suddenly big fat jerks if we try to require one??????????? I know it is much more complicated than simply visa issues, and that the US was founded by immigrants and all that jazz, and I really think that is awesome. It's just moments like these where i want to go somewhere else to work but can't I start to get a little sullen on the issue. Then again, I could go there and work under the table, as many a people do. But I just feel like I'm getting too old for this under the table shit. *sigh* I want to be legit, dammit!

So, anyway. B-- if you are reading this, please please bring me back a Kinder Surprise!!!! PLEASE!

I have been trying to be diligent w/ thesis, but it has been difficult. To be honest I have starting a collage of motivational pictures/goals to keep me going. I am not depressed anymore, yay! I swallowed that depression and said "depression, we are going to start working outside of the house!" So, it's still there but mostly now it's like...bitterness. I REGISTERED FOR GRADUATION TODAY! Then i found out I can still register for December graduation (i thought it was too late), so I am going to go back tomorrow and see if I can swing that too. Just in case :)

Sunday Football

2010-09-27T10:56:00.001-04:00

I had to work yesterday for Sunday Football, and to my luck no one came into the bar. I think like 2 people or something, in 5 hours! I don't mind working on Sunday's because it makes me feel connected to the states/back home (no one in PR watches American Football). I remember my first year here I was so homesick that I walked into a bar that had Nascar on the TV and almost started weeping (turns out, PRicans do love the Nascar...)
Anyway, this lack of customers was bad for my pocketbook, but good for my work progress. Yes, the owner lets me bring my school work w/ me to the bar while I work. One (perhaps the only) reason I decide to work there. It's slow, but a nice open air bar, so I don't mind getting paid to work on my thesis. It also got me thinking: I think I need to start scouting out places to go during the day to work. So far, I have decided Calypso because it is a.) walking distance b.) no wireless (key) and c.) lately it hasn't been too busy during the day d.) shaded but open air patio. Yay! This week i will initiate Project Traveling Thesis.

Makin' Money the Easy Way! (though possibly also the unethical way)

2010-09-23T14:15:00.000-04:00

A friend gave me a little "tip" the other day which last night I had the opportunity to put into practice. Her suggestion was, when you are bartending and someone offers to buy you a drink, you say "yes i would love one" and instead of taking said drink, you take said money that you have just charged the person for said drink. I thought to myself...BRILLIANT!

Here in Puerto Rico, we are taking about making an extra dollar or two on a beer, so i don't *entirely* feel as though i'm stealing. I was pondering last night as i hustled Medallas and rum shot to middle aged men that would i feel bad/unethical about doing this "trick" were I working in a place where drinks were more in $7-10 range? I mean, taking a DOLLAR instead of just taking a beer doesn't seem like a big deal. But what if i were taking TEN dollars instead of a ten dollar drink? Would that be wrong? Is what i am doing WRONG??? I just can't decide. I doubled my tips last night by doing this trick, so it makes it even harder to decide. And, if i decide that it is in fact NOT wrong to do this, then I need to start having people buy me more expensive drinks...

Thesis:1 Me: 0

2010-09-22T16:53:00.000-04:00

As of tonight, I'm officially starting up work at El Baro again. Is this a great idea? Perhaps not. But B Dang has been so slow this week that they are cutting shifts like crazy. However, my bills do not vanish just because it is the "slow season" here in Rincon and thus an immediately need for another opportunity in which to peddle my time for rent money has arisen.

The real question is: will this additional job help or hinder my strict thesis writing process? I am hoping help, and as currently i do not current abide by a "process" much less a strict one anyway, I have nothing to lose at this point. I am also thinking a reason to get dressed and make myself presentable to the public eye won't be a bad thing either. I haven't wore my contacts in so long that when i put them in today, i had a Gollum moment --- "it burnsssss, it burnssss us!" Getting dressed just makes you feel a little better about yourself, like you have an important purpose in life (even if you don't), and a smidge more motivated to go forth and conquer.

My thesis progress, as is:

Chapter 1: draft done! *yay*
Chapter 2: 15 of 30-40 pages
Chapter 3: 3 of 30-40 pages
Chapter 4: 0 of 30-40 pages
Chapter 5: 0 of 30-40 pages

Thesis Depression

2010-09-21T21:36:00.000-04:00

I've have definitely entered the black hole of thesis writing depression. I called in depressed for Life today. I stayed in my robe basically all day like a pathetic sloth. I took two naps. I considered crying but couldn't seem to muster the energy it would take to feel any real emotions.

This is what it has come to.

2010-09-20T16:36:00.002-04:00

my new fave blog: http://ihatemythesis.blogspot.com

So, as this week is the first week of the new semester, I have had no choice but to reflect on the sad, sad fact that I am entering my third year as a grad student. One of my friends tried to convince me it has only been two years (she doesn't know my very well), and while I appreciated that momentary flutter of hope via delusion, I know the truth: THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This factoid is quite worrisome and depressing on several fronts. One being the obvious: It will have taken me a minimum of 3 years to graduate. A kid who was an undergrad my first year in the masters program graduated this May.... from the master program. THE SAME MASTERS PROGRAM I AN ENROLLED IN. See, depressing? I'm depressed about it. Kinda super depressed, in fact.To add insult to injury, I've been cut off from being a TA this semester because I had reached the maximum amount of semester to be eligible for a TAship. In other words, I have been here so fucking long that they have rejected even the cheapest labor available. OUCH.

This being the first Monday of classes, I was (am) supposed to go sit on on a grad class tonight that my advisor is teaching. I also was (but am not) supposed to hand in a chapter which i have written approximately 3 pages of. I also was (but did not) supposed to lock myself in this weekend and rise with the sun to work steadfastly on thesis related materials. I was not supposed to go out Friday and Saturday night (but did) or wake up at a time that is officially considered "brunch" hours (but did). I was supposed to wake up at 7 morning (but did not) and frantically type and type as many pages as possible before 5pm. BUT DID NOT.

It's a vicious circle and I'm going down fast.

The Story of the Hurricane

2010-09-02T19:20:00.002-04:00

Yes, I survived Earl. So it begins. Hurricane season is upon the island. I waited in a line 10 cars deep to get gas on Monday. It's always the same story --- a hurricane is passing, people go buy out the canned goods, water, and rum at the grocery store. And the gas. Two of the three gas stations in Rincon were out of gas by Monday afternoon. People go into panic mode. Really, it was only an INSANE night of wind and rain, that night/next day no electricity or water...the usual. Hurricane days in PR are kinda like snow days in the states. Everyone is watching the weather/TV/email for school closing announcements and what not, and once it's confirmed you are off the hook, you feel like you don't really "have to" do anything. YOu watch TV, movies; drink tea/rum...etc etc. I actually didn't even mind not being out of electricity for the day, because always the worst part is NOT HAVING FANS/AC when it goes out. You practically die of heat. But, since it was so windy this time, it felt nice sleeping because it was a cool breeze coming in. In the morning, I told The Highway "THIS is what fall weather feels like!" It really felt like FALL, which i haven't had in like 3 (4?) years now. It was nice and windy and a cloudy overcast day. There was just the CRISP breeze, I dunno...it was nice. PLUS, since everyone was locked up inside, we went into town and ran errands w/out waiting in any lines! Yay!
So, now we are back to real life -- for the moment. There is some hurricane behind Fiona that everyone is worried -- really worried --- about, because it's coming our way. Usually, the the projected path of the hurricane goes around the island.
Myself, I entertained myself during the hurricane with catching up on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I just started watching it a month ago, and I couldn't stop. I have never watched a reality show with someone on it that has given me the creepy crawlies and all around bad vibe so much, but Danielle from Real Housewives really pushes the boundaries of delusional and really just self absorbed evilness. She is like a hurricane. I have known people like her, who are all about "no drama" and "happiness within" and "new beginnings" and "karma" --- i call BULLSHIT on everyone who thinks just because they say things like that out loud it is true. You don't achieve any of those things by announcing it. You just fucking live it. You don't have to say a word. It's like the old punk rock saying "People who are punk rock know better than to label themselves as "punk rock" -- as the whole movement behind that lifestyle is to shun the ideologies and thus labels (such as "punk rock") society encourages. *sigh* Anyway, Real Housewives of NJ is my new guilty pleasure, but I won't bore you anymore with venting about it, as i think most of you who read this blog do not watch Real Housewives. If you do, let me know --- cause I got PLENTY to say, but no one to talk with about it :)

Sex and the City: On Why We Believe Love is a Purchased Promise, and Everything Else That is Wrong With the World Today.

2010-08-22T22:47:00.008-04:00

Yes, I just saw Sex and the City 2. I live on an island, alright? SO it was essentially the worst movie i've ever seen in my entire existence. I had this whole schpeal and amazing critique ready, but when it comes right down to it, I would just rather forget everything about this film than sit here and type even two words about it. But are a couple one word summaries: AWFUL, FORCED, RIDICULOUS, PATHETIC. This is my one sentence plot of the whole movie: "Big, you don't want to buy me nice things and take me out and buy me expensive dinners so I don't think you love me anymore. And you bought a gigantic awesome new T.V. for our bedroom, which is (literally) the only thing I didn't want you to buy me to express your true and undying love. Buy me something else otherwise I'll move back into my old apartment that I still keep (stupid) because rent in New York City is such a great deal (no) and it doesn't at all perhaps reflect any commitment issues I have yet to work out (yes it does)."

Okay, that was more than one sentence, but I think you see the point here. I truly had to stop the movie 4 times because it was so painful to watch. PAINFUL, I tell you! It was also embarrassing - embarrassing to realize that actual money was spend on producing such trash. It disgusts and worries me that this show and these horrible women have become some sort of feminist icons to many a 21st century lady. I have faith that someone else out there has noticed that, in the end, every one of the characters entire existence - and the plots of both the T.V. show and both movies - revolves solely around FINDING A MAN OR MAKING SAID MAN LOVE YOU MORE. All while under the thinly veiled "plot" (which is really just an extremely flimsy subplot) of "having fun with your girlfriends because in the end men don't matter". Ooohh but it seems as though they do...
And, P.S. --- What the fuck freelance writer/journalist has ever had as much money as this Carrie bitch?!?!?!? UNREAL.

So, I suppose that was a little more than I intended to express on the matter of such a tragic piece of cinema garbage. But now I am reminded of a little group at Emerson College that was starting my senior year called S.C.A.M.M. --- Students Concerned About Mass Media. I looked on the school webpage and it isn't listed, so I guess it dissolved after the 5 members we were comprised of all graduated. A little disappointing, considering Emerson is supposed to be this media-oriented school and all. *SIGH* There is some charity thing going on at Banana Dang, and all the employees have to submit 3 charities they support. I swear to GOD, I would list this student organization or anything like it AT ALL all 3 times if it still existed!!!! I'm gonna start my own organization: P.A.S. S. --- People Against Stupid Stuff. Seriously though, If anyone has any charity suggestions, please recommend in the comments.

Otherwise, this weekend I cleaned out the spare bedroom and made it into my office! My own private space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So far, it has been heavenly (it's been 3 hours). I have expressed my joy and nostalgia of my days of living alone (a la New England Nun, but with more alcohol and less sewing). There is just something about having a space to yourself. A door your can close, and no one can enter.

I was reading a twitter feed from The New Yorker book bench that was about Summer Reading, and they emphasized short stories and novellas as kinda ideal summer reads. I couldn't agree more. At the beginning of the summer, I printed out this summer reading log, and so far this is what is on it. Also, just to remind you of your options, I didn't buy any of these books (even though some of them I desperately want to)--- public libraries are a little bit of awesome. Free books, like, everywhere!!!

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, Mary Rach (June)
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer (June)
The Reader, Bernhard Schlink (July)
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, Chelsea Handler (June)
The Poisoner's Handbooks: Murder and the Birth of Forensic Medicine in Jazz Age New York, Deborah Blum (June)
The Perfect Scent: A Year Inside the Perfume Industry in Paris and New York, Chandler Burr (July)
Revolutionary Road, Richard Yates (August)
Paul's Case, Willa Cather (August)
A New England Nun, Mary Wilkes Freeman (August)
A Moveable Feast, Ernest Hemingway (August)
Bernice Bobs Her Hair, F.Scott Fitzgerald (August)
A Pair of Silk Stockings, Kate Chopin (August)

Man with a Machete

2010-07-30T14:22:00.004-04:00

I think there comes a time in ones life where you have to admit you just can't throw booze down the 'ol hatch like you used it. Considering it is 5:17PM, I'm still in my pajamas, and I swear to you I have never felt so horrible in all my life -- my time may be hovering very near. Yeesh.

Another factor could have been the fact that KA and I have gotten into a bad habit lately of going out for sushi and (several) drinks. Sushi is just not a good base on which to build a night of drinking heavily. The night was progressing pretty well, until we decided to go to Villa Cofresi and "split a coco" (yeah right). The coco drink is a cocktail of every rum known to man mixed into a coconut that the bartender has just macheted the top off of and topped with cinnamon and coconut water. They are rather large and rather potent. The best part about them is you get the coco filled with rum, AND they give you a glass with more on the side. It's kinda like 2 for 1. Except 2 is really never needed. So, we get to Villa Cof, and what do you know, KA knows the bartender! I swear to god this woman knows 95% of this island. We could be hiking in the mountains in the middle of the island and we would probably run into someone she knows. ANYHOO, it's always a plus when you know the bartender, except when you really don't need an extra super strongly mixed drink. Much less a coconut filled with it. Much less TWO of them. *sigh* My memory of the night fades at this point. BUT, it was a really fun night and a great way to remember the 6 month anniversary of Will's death. Yeah, we poured one out for him.

So, let's talk yoga: it's awesome. Has it made me feel stronger and more limber physically? Sure. It has certainly made me realize my hamstrings haven't been stretched in about 13 years (Jr. High V-sit and reach). I was doing this Hamunanasana number today when I felt and HEARD my hip pop back into place (and then almost passed out). It was nasty, but no worse than having the chiro shove it back in. And it was free! More importantly, has it made me mentally stronger? Ohmygod YES. I don't know exactly what it does, but it does something. This week, despite not *actually* wanting to write any of my thesis, I woke up early in the AM and was motivated to work on it, and most importantly, HAD A CLEAR HEAD. I was a ray of sunshine and a cloud of calm. Even when something completely AWFUL happened this week, which I hope I am able to look back on sometime soon and write a funny little vignette about (it involves porn), I remained calm and again, more importantly, confident.

Otherwise, life has been pretty chill --- working at the coffee shop and writing the thesis. I found out YESTERDAY that "the chancellor" has "approved" TA's to finish the end of the Spring semester when it starts on Monday. Geee, thanks...and thanks for the fucking 3 day heads up on that. I think it's bullshit that they are finishing the semester 3 MONTHS after classes were halted because of the strike. Not like they had many other options, but I mean, what if you had like Chemistry or Calculus or some shit??? And you've had 3 months to forget it all, and now you have to go back to school so you can take the FINAL. Ummm....yeah. I wouldn't have passed calculus in the first place, and if you gave me 3 months to pretend it never happened...yikes. I would be so screwed.

So that is that. Hugs and rum shots!

Off to a questionable start

2010-07-20T21:30:00.002-04:00

So, I think we're all friends here and I can admit that my life bounces on a metaphorical trampoline between total drunk and a zen-like disciplined existence. More so the drunk part though. It's cool. I'm not worried about it. There have been worse, I'm sure.

I've come to a few conclusions lately: 1.) martini's are awesome and 2.) living in poverty SUCKS!
Okay, so I don't "live in poverty", but i DO have to buy the cheap vodka for my martini's and filter it a minimum of 8 times in my Brita filter before I dare use it (that totally works, btw). And that's pretty sad, in my opinion. Yes, hilarious. Also very sad when you are the poor soul who needs to deal with all that filtering. :(

I swore up and down that today i absolutely and positively NEEDED TO email my motherfucking CHAPTER 2 DRAFT to my advisor by TONIGHT. Absolutely. And. Positively. Right after this martini. And this episode of Glee is done. Because it's just such an inspiring show. YOu know, inspires me to write. Not to grab a hairbrush, a flask, my Journey's Greatest Hits CD and find the nearest karaoke bar. Not at all. Shit.

On a related note, how much fun is it to have the house to yourself for a night??!??! Seriously! I love living alone! I've said it once and i'll say it again: the only time i am reminded of the joys of having a man living with me is the 5 minutes before bed and the 5 minutes after i wake up. It's just the way it is.I don't miss the extra dirty dishes and the sounds of an Xbox creeping through the door when I'm trying to work. Because clearly I work a lot, and have very important things to say. Just not today, as it turns out.

In most important news: in this episode of Glee, Will TURNS DOWN a beer HIS WIFE BROUGHT TO HIM because he "wants to finish grading these papers first". HA! Everyone knows teachers don't grade papers sober!!!! Nice try though, Glee writers. I'm just going to pretend you added that line so all the viewers out there who are teachers could get a good laugh. Don't drink while you grade papers??!?! UNheard of!! Hire a new fact checker. I will volunteer my services. You know where to contact me.

10 Things

2010-07-19T18:45:00.001-04:00

So, I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You the other night and I must say, that movie really stands the test of time. I loved it the same as my 17 year old self loved it 10 years ago (yikes! that's a long time ago). I loved seeing all the awesome 90's clothes we all used to wear --- i swear to God I had the exactly same pair of navy silk japansese-esque ivy printed pants that Kat has! Only I don't remember them looking so flattering on me...how strange. Also, I really miss those chunky-strappy-platform sandals that were popular back then, as seen on the singer lady from the oh so 90's band Letters to Chloe. I really hope those come back into style before i'm too old to pull off short, thin sundresses and platform sandals!

My mood was increased significantly the other evening, when this gorgeous sunset appeared:

You can't stay mad long at the Island that is capable of producing this beauty for you.

It is the beginning of the Centro Americano games this weekend, and there was a tornado yesterday in Mayaguez, which was strange because...tornadoes don't really "happen" in the PR. Hurricanes, yes. Tornadoes, not so much...
.

Tick Tock

2010-07-08T18:37:00.002-04:00

This morning I decided to check out the Public Library in Rincon as a possible work station for my new daily thesis-intensive, please-lord-help-me-finish-this-and-graduate plan. Um, let's just say I was less than impressed when I opened the doors. It really didn't even look like a library at all - primarily due to the utter lack of books anywhere. There were like 6 giant computers along the wall for public use, all which were being used by 6 preteens who were on the website "Tagged". I guess I just really don't get this Tagged thing, and if that makes me sound old and grouchy, so be it. Also, a little note to any male readers who may frequent Tagged: that chick who says she is "21" and emails you all the dimly lit booby and up shots is really a 11 year old Puerto Rican girl who is spending her summer vacation "tagging" jackasses like you while sitting in the filthiest and more pathetic excuse of a public library i've ever seen. Just a heads up. Feel free to name your first born after me.

The reason I ended up at the public lib in the first place is the basis of what the post is going to be about: I AM SICK OF PUERTO RICO. I wanted to go somewhere NEW and where I could work without interruption (and maybe some AC) and finally finish this god foresaken thesis I've been working on for the better part of 2 years and GET ON WITH MY LIFE. I need to finish so I can get out.

Everyone may hate me for complaining that, "boo-hoo, you live on a tropical island". But I am telling you, it's not all it's cracked up to be. You know that question people ask about "what 3 things you would want with you if you were stranded on an island"? That very question is derived from the universally accepted notion that living on an island would in fact not be the ideal living situation. See where I'm going with this?

Let me break it down for you, and you can decide for yourself if you would be able to live your everyday life without or dealing with the following things:

1. There is no Target (or H&M)
2. Yesterday my electricity went out twice for several hours, followed by the water. This happens at least twice a month.
3. It was somewhere around 95 degree F yesterday + humidity yesterday when the electricity (and thus AC/fans) went off
4. Puerto Ricans drive as though their Drivers Ed class consisted of playing Grand Torismo
5. Interesting fact: grocery shopping is more expensive. It's an island -- everything is imported.
6. Good luck finding any Mexican, Greek, Japanese, French or any other ethnic restaurant outside of San Juan. (Although are Chinese restaurants everywhere. Naturally.)
7. Unless you live in San Juan, you are constantly having to drive to San Juan.
8. No crunching leaves in the fall, no sidewalk cafes, no sidewalks period, no little bookstores, no scarves, no boots, no one appreciating your pop culture references, no variety of music.
9. No one ever ships to Puerto Rico.
10. THE POLITICS.

Those are just some minor issues that have had me pulling my hair out furious lately. Obviously, there are a multitude of wonderful things about this island (and i have almost 3 years worth of entries on this thing detailing most of them). But right now I need to complain.

Why? Because I just returned from WI, also loosely known as "home". One of many. And this was the first time I really wasn't excited to be coming back to Puerto Rico. Normally, after a week of being somewhere else, I am itching to get back to PR. I think mostly it has nothing to do with Puerto Rico itself, and more that I am just plain ready for something new. Maybe I should just redecorate or something, until that time comes. Which it IS coming soon, graduating pending, so maybe that is another thing that has me all in a tizzy -- the stresses of finding something new to do with your life! I keep trying to tell myself that finding something new is a FUN and GOOD thing, and to not be so freaked out. But, what can you do. I am okay with looking into the future when I have an overall loose plan of where I will be in 6 months, and accept some changes may arise. But when there is just a big fat question mark sitting there in front of you, it's a different story completely.

What A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts

2010-04-23T22:59:00.006-04:00

Oh my. Another month, another post. I really gotta step this up! Geesh. Lazybones. I have been resistant to update because I keep thinking my life has become boring, however, that is simply just not true. Things have just been exciting for me in a different way for a while now, and there ain't nothin' wrong with change.

At any rate, I realized recently that basically all of my friends are gone. Tonight The Highway went to go help some of his friends who are starting a non-profit w/ some graphic design work, and suddenly I was home alone on a Friday night. And god help me the moment I realized it, my little switch was turned on to mingle mode --- Who to call, where to go, what to do?! So maybe ideas began to fill this little brain. The Rincon film festival was this week, and i planned on going tonight with The Hwy, but now he was going to be gone! SO, who the fuck do i call now....??!?!!

I had no one. i could not think of ONE person to call.

Lets be real, KA is my only friend left here in PR, and she is working constantly at night/in her own surfer world by day. My buddies have all left! Oy. When did that happen? Apparently, while this was happening (everyone leaving) I wasn't exactly making any NEW friends. SO, needless to say, as of tonight, I am in the market for new friends. Spread the word.

I also realized tonight I enjoy using cooking things as a method to pass time. I can't say i have always have the motivation to cook on any given day (OBVIOUSLY). But tonight when the Hwy told me he has to meet these people, and i subsequently realized i had no one to call to hang with, I started planning what i should bake tonight. You know, for something to do. That's kinda weird (pathetic), i think. But at the same time, when I was a 6 days/week alcoholic and going out all the time, I always stayed in on Friday nights alone and rented a movie and made homemade pizza and had a bottle of wine (oopps, okay 7 nights/week alcoholic...), so I could have a night to myself. Cooking is a good way to pass time, when you have the time. Anyway, i guess kind of miss that in a way, living alone and knowing you are the only person with a key to your place, and if you lock the door and shut off your phone no one can bother you for the night. Alone time not a bad thing. BUT, it would still be nice to have a friend to call, just in case I get bored...

Not to say i have no friends or people i can rely on. however, at this point in my life, they are all males (The Highway, Cousin P, Moncho), and that is just not the same as having girlfriends!!! EXAMPLe: last week The Hwy got VIP tickets from our boss at BananaDang for the 2 of us PLUS a +1 for us both to see.....GUN N ROSES! and, more significantly, SEBASTIAN BACH!(who opened and who was fucking awesome !!!! really. I'm in love and this time it's for real.) And so, was this experience funny/cool/ridiculous? Naturally. We saw Axel Rose huffing and puffing across stage for over an hour, for Christsake! What wasn't to love? Would i have liked to been able to take another female as my +1 ? ummm YES please.

ALSO, Heather and Nick came to visit recently. I suppose I should show some pics from that? Okay.

Nick SUPER happy w/ his coco drink:

Snorkeling in Cabo Rojo:

Just a good pic of Heather!!! :

at El Faro in Rincon:

Old Man Bar/Mayaguez/Old man discussing the historical relevance of the nudie pics to Nick:

Pool Bar Hopping:

A Rincon Sunset!

Nick on shark watch:

...And that's my story folks.

Hate It Here

2010-03-04T09:25:00.004-04:00

2010 has been completely miserable. It all started by me being a greedy money monger and thinking that teaching PLUS working 2 more part time jobs , while trying to write my thesis would be a good idea. Needless to say, I didn’t exactly start the semester off on the ‘right foot’. I worked and slept, and I think I ate sometimes too. Pages of thesis written = 0. Surprise, surprise! I was not enjoying life much, but dammit if I wasn’t enjoying have extra cash for the first time in 3 years. Never the less, I knew I was caught in a vile and vicious circle and so I made a vow to stop working at the bar after the Superbowl. I promised to devote Tuesdays and Thursday to working on my thesis only. I swore up and down I would prepare all my lessons for the week on Sunday, so I wouldn’t be bothered with figuring something about during the week (or 20 minutes before class starts).

And then my brother died and everything stopped and I didn’t have to follow through with any of those stupid things. My ideal day was in fact lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, and that’s essentially what I did. I had 16 ideal days in a row when I got back to PR in mid-February. After a couple weeks, I “went back” to teaching, but I didn’t really go back (let’s keep that on the DL…). Now I am there in body, but usually not in spirit even when I try. I still have not gone back to the bar or the coffee place, and really have no ambitions to at the moment. I’m quite enjoying my teach -3 –days- a –week- and -take -it –easy- schedule.

To add to this disaster of a month (which is essentially meaningless in comparison), 2 days after I got back to PR, my cat up and left me for another woman! My fucking cat ran away. That’s the thanks I get for not taking him to the vet and getting his balls chopped off?!?! Damn you, Kitten! Stupid animal instincts.

It's hard to keep doing things everyday like normal when you don't feel normal. For two months I couldn't drink alcohol -- not even wine. And I am saying this because it's not that I didn't want to, but I actually couldn't. The thought of food or drinking made me nauseous. Even WINE. I really really wanted to want to drink again, because then I would know I was back to normal (drinking is something I kind of "do").

I can drink now, but it's useless because I'm insane, and alcohol and insanity do not mix. Last weekend we went to Tamboo and were having a grand time, but then I a tall, gangly blonde kid sat down like 3 feet away from us. You wouldn't believe how many tall gangly blonde teenagers are in Puerto Rico, but I swear to God every time I see one of them I keep thinking it's my brother. And when I'm drunk it's obviously even worse, because I know it's not him, but I think maybe it could be him, like in another life or something. Or as an angel (who is watching me get drunk...errr..). Or just how this is what he would have looked like in 3 years. Something, anything, and everything - I think of every possibility and scenario. I mean, i don't *think* i'm in denial anymore. I understand he is dead, even though I don't understand why, but I can't help but keeping wishing I could see him again.< *SIGH* big fat sigh! Since my health insurance doesn't cover shrinks (surprise surprise), and the sleeping pills I tried t made me literally unable to fucking WALK, I'm trying to repair my mental (and physical) health guerilla style: Yoga. What the hell, it's the best alternative i have come up with so far. It's an experiment, and I'm going to keep track of it @ www.theyogatheory.blogspot.com

On a side note, I'm watching Gossip Girl right now and this show is beyond ridiculous. How are these people always like just "finding" each other when sometimes goes wrong??? Nate: "We have to find Chuck". IT'S FUCKING NEW YORK CITY! I would love to know your plan for finding this douche pouting in one of about a billion bars in one of the most populated cities in the World. WOW.

The Re-Discovery Channel: Happy Burger

2009-11-21T18:24:00.006-04:00

Gosh. What is new? Well, tonight I'm making gluwein, which is like this spiced wine. I had some spices leftover from Hamburg, and I just can't WAIT until after T-giving , to bust out the holiday drinks >:D I decided i am going to host a Fantastic Holiday Film night every week, starting the weekend after turkey day (so next weekend...). And we have to drink "holiday" drinks, too. Yay! I hope this actually happens, cuz that would be fun. If people are lame and don't agree with me, then I will have a fantastic holiday film night alone, I ain't scared.

The horrible economy has finally hit (really hit) Puerto Rico in these past few month. People are losing their jobs like crazy (and then striking about it...but that's another story). Times are tough all around in PR. I mean, they have been reduced to putting Medalla on sale a 6-pack for $5 lately at the grocery store ( i kid, i kid...that has been awesome btw). It makes me nervous, because I don't know how longer I can go on exploiting the system here in PR (meaning getting paid to go to grad school). Damn! I'm going to have to start really, actually planning my next move. Where can I go next and find something to do? :(

Suggestions welcome.

I'm home on a Saturday night against my will because A.) i have limited funds and B.) i need to work on my thesis. and C.) i have to grade students papers. I'm not going to lie, i'm a little burned out on teaching right now. The fact is, I'm getting burned out period. Teaching, class, writing thesis, working at the coffee shop...The worst part is, all this working and I STILL don't have any money. It's kinda fucked up. BUT, at least I'm not sitting at a desk from 8am - 5pm every fucking day. I say that because I have lived that, and it just wasn't for me. I wanted to kill myself, actually. So here we are --- grad school. Weeeee! It sounds funny, but I sometimes feel like i didn't know anything until I started grad school. Meaning, I feel like I could have and hold and conversation with someone about anything now. Even if I don't know exactly what they are talking about, I know something about what they are talking about. Jack of all trades, master of none. Woot woot!

I don't know if I have mentioned this, but I have been really getting into podcasts. I want to start one about hole-in-the-wall delicious food places in PR. Wednesday night was a culinary and imbibing extravaganza! KA and I went to Aguada to this place on the beach for happy hour. There were like 5 people there only, and beers were 75 cents! 75 cents! With ocean view seating. After drinking and chatting away for an hour or so, The Hwy met up with us and we decided it's nibble time! The place (I can't remember the name of, and after searching the web for an hour unsuccessfully, I am going to jsut have to ask K when i can), has THE BEST pizza empanadillas OF ALL TIME! I have been dreaming about them ever since (and I ate 2 that night). They are made to order, and we ended up ordering 1 of each, and then an extra pizza one because it was so fucking good! It was probably double the size of the other empanadillas, and stuffed full of melty queso. STUFFED, i tell you!

After gorging on the fried stuff, we went to K's ex-bf's (but still kinda bf) parent's beach house right down the road. The place was friggin sweet, and we played dominoes until whatever hour. I only won 1 game :( My domino skills have plummeted severely after not playing for several months, apparently. Not cool. Eventually, The Hwy and myself decided it was time to head home, and so we went. As we are turning the curve on 413, maybe 2 miles from home, I spot it. A neon light that I have been waiting for probably a year to appear. It glows red and bright, like the north star (except red) leading us home: Happy Burger.

Happy Burger was one of those places I went one drunken night and couldn't for the life of me ever really find it again. The only thing I had to remind me of it's existence was a vivid memory of the best taco i'd ever eaten. I know what you're thinking: a taco? at a place called Happy Burger? In Puerto Rico? Yes, that's right. It is attached to this creepy, creepy bar that I've never seen more than 2 people in (including the bartender). And they have the shittiest jukebox ever. I quote again Jaybo: "they don't even have anything ironic I can play." Attached to this dump is Happy Burger, and it's freakin' delish. When I saw the sign, I said "STOP THE CAR! THIS IS IT!" and The Hwy pulled into the gravel parking lot of the bar, kinda confused. I rushed to the counter of Happy Burger and accepted a menu, even though i knew what i wanted. I WANTED THOSE TACOS. We ordered, and went into skeezy bar to drink and play a game of pool and wait for heaven to hit our mouths. When it was ready, my drunken memory was confirmed (by another drunken memory), this was indeed as good as i remembered. The tortillas are warmed up on the grill so they are all somewhat crispy, but still soft shell. YUM. They have this awesome homemade green pepper sauce that you can put on top, which is equally YUM. Another one of my favorite parts: The price of tacos goes up from $2 to $2.50 after 8PM, clearly working the drunk crowd. But when it's 1am and the lady at Happy Burger will come into the bar where you are playing pool to tell you that your food is ready, 50 cents seems like such a small, small price to pay.

By the way, I was recently asked the follow-up question as to if our cat Kitten ever got toilet-trained (so he would pee on the toilet and not in a litter box). The answer to that is NO. Kitten the cat is still forcing me to purchase litter for his box. To be fair, I kinda gave up on the mission about 1/2 way through. So it's not just that the cat is a retard. It's that I'm lazy, too.

We Are Golden!

2009-11-11T12:10:00.005-04:00

HI!

WOW, what a week. So, keeping in tradition with the cherished holiday that is Halloween and my birthday, again this year was something kind of wonderful. And drunken. Of course drunken.

The festivities began Thursday on a scorching hot Puerto Rican autumn eve. I must say, Halloween has started to become more and more of a hassle every friggin' year. I no longer have any excitement towards it whatsoever. Also, Z is gone and KA is working all the time, so who am I supposed to go out with? SO anyway, it should come as no surprise then that I had no costume this year. I am also coming to the realization that I really hate holidays that pressure me to go out. Halloween, New Year's...the days that "everyone" is going out, and it would be embarrassing to say you stayed home that night. The pressure to go out, makes me not want to go out.

Anyway, I did go out. on Thursday AND Friday. Both in different costumes. The HWY told me Thursday afternoon he has some friends going as a swarm of bees and that we should join the swarm. Easy enough! So, after my class that night we buzzed around town, which was super duper crowded. (OH, also --- i'm learning i kinda hate crowds. But anyway.) We walked and drank all night and I never even got a buzz. LAME! Drinking + Walking a million miles = No Buzz. Make a note of that.

Friday my friend Lindsey from Denver came to visit with one of her friends, Beth. They didn't have any costumes. WELL, thankfully 'ol Jessica has an extensive collection of animal print in her wardrobe. Zebra print dress + black zebra stripes on face = zebra (me). Leopard dress + black leopard spots on face = cheetah (Beth). safari boots + Black electrical tape + rope = animal tamer boots and whip (lindsey). FULL SUCCESS!

Monday: B-DAY. It was good, and the highlight was when my student said, "Happy Birthday. Can I ask how much?" Um...I'm not for sale. Clearly their English teacher has some work to do still...
Birthday night was super, though the details are hazy. But I do remember it was fun, so that is good.

SATURDAY was the "go big" night the ended in a humongous bar tab and some drunken skinny dipping and the drunken munchie session of gobbling down 2 pieces of pie I don't remember eating (and not bothering to offer anyone else any munchies. Worst friend ever!). All in good fun. OH -- btw -- i say "skinny dipping", but I later found out I was the only one naked. OPPS! I though it was a party, people! Let's get naked!

Anyway, today I shared some Mika tracks with Chellber. A little Friday Fun emailing, you know. She agrees he is Freddie Mercury reincarnated, which makes him Christ resurrected, basically. Hey, if it makes me move then i can't deny my love for it.

Today I was taking a break from my office, because my thesis introduction is due in....25 minutes, and I need finish writing it. So that's what i've been doing this morning. You know, besides passionately professing my new and undying love for the artist known as Mika ("I'm in love and this time it's for real!") via "the web", and drinking cup after large cup of coffee. SO, I was walking to the cafeteria to get another cup 'o joe (40 cents, btw!!!!) and i was walking as slow as possible and imaging the sunlight was giving me energy, solar-power style. AND, I think it totally worked! Now i'm back in the office cave and have to finish the intro, so...BYE!

p.s. pics later

p.p.s.

Daaaaang!

2009-10-26T22:33:00.004-04:00

So, long time no chatter!

This past week has been intense. For one, The Highway's father died. This is something completely unrelated-able, as I can't even imagine one of my parents dying would be like. So, to cut out all the depressing parts, I'll just move along to what this whole thing and this whole week has made me realize.

What it did make me realize is that I live in Puerto Rico. I mean, I actually live here. I've been to birthday parties here, I've been to a wedding here, and now I've been to a funeral here. As it turns out, I was more than just "along for the ride", and I didn't end up banging out my Master's Degree in the 2 years I had originally planned. Instead, I created an actual life. And even though it might not last forever, I feel really good about the fact that there has at least been sustenance to it.

This fall hasn't been all party -party- party for me, and honestly it isn't because I haven't had the time or money (let's be real -- i've never had the money, and I've always made time!) It really has to do with the fact that my masters degree is coming to a close. There is an actual end/graduation day in sight. Before, I felt like I had all the time in the world. But now the reality is constantly creeping up on me, and that reality is that this is going to be over soon. And I need to find something else to do. I need to actually be thinking about the future, as opposed to having the freedom of not having to think about it because I knew every semester what I would be doing ---- going to colegio. Even if I don't graduate until next December, that doesn't change the fact that I need to be thinking about what I should do after that. I mean, this is puerto rico. i feel like I can extend this out as long as I want. But the point is, I know the end is near and that I need to make my next move. You can't really live as carefree when the future is right in front of you like a Mac truck. Well, you can....but that anxiety is still there. I want to try and change that.

I mean, now is the time i should be going balls to the wall! I have a year left --- probably less! I should be going all out. I have been going all out for like 2 years now...but I should continue. Definitely. There is no reason to stop just because of silly deadlines and expiration dates. Numbers! I've always hated them.

It's been a good rest, but my rest is OVER. True, living with someone makes things a little different. Let's be real: when you have someone to go home to, you want to go home. That's a fact. And so now that The Highway is at home all this week, I'm realizing that being in some sort of relationship makes me far less restless, and quite frankly that is a good thing for me. However, when my anchor isn't there to tie me down...I just like to float along.

As my sister Sarah wrote on the b-day card she sent me this week (quoting Joe Dirt--- seriously love that movie): "Life's a garden - dig it! You make it work for ya, you never give up. Ya gotta keep on keeping on - you know what i mean?"

VALID, Joe Dirt. Valid.

Oktoberfest and other things

2009-10-23T10:48:00.002-04:00

i will update soon. here is a pic from the PRican Oktoberfest at 1-10 Thai in Aguadilla. KA works there. She had to dress up as a german wench. Here is a picture of it.

24 Hours of Heaving for Entirely Different Reasons

2009-09-11T11:31:00.004-04:00

Hovered over a public toilet dry heaving only moments before you are about to teach a class is no way to start the day. But, alas. That is just how it began today, and it was a position I haven't found myself in in quite some time. The more horrible part is that I have been uber-hungover many times at school, and many times much, much worse than today. But it's been so long since I have been (um...2 months...), my tolerance for alcohol and hangover has plummeted, and my body has completely forgotten the interpretive dance known as A Hangover. Thus, it resorts back to what it did at the beginning of my career with alcohol, and that is LOTS of dry heaving.

Good times.

SO, yesterday, before all this hangover business or the drinking that lead to it happened, my friend Nora told me about these fitness classes they give in the stadium in Rincon for $1. I've been looking for some sort of activity that would allow me to mingle amongst the citizens of my new community, and this seems like just the ticket. A $1 ticket.

FIRST, we arrive late and as I am putting down my mat, I look up and notice the instructor dude is a bartender at one of the resorts in Rincon. GO FIGURE. I don't know why this was shocking to me, but it was. Perhaps he doesn't remember me or any of my drunken escapes he has had the misfortune of witnessing, I think to myself. No such luck. He grins and knee-bend- kicks on over to let me know, and I quote, " Now I'm going to make you sweat out everything you drank, and you'll remember me tomorrow". Ummmm, YIKES! I look up from my mat in fear and he takes the dollar from my trembling hand.

UNO! DOS! TRES! AGAIN! is what I hear Mr. Muscle screaming over the Special Edition Ricky Martin Jock Jams CD blasting in the background. Aerobics in Puerto Rico is something else. It was part aerobics and part 80's dance moves, except with more hip action. A Puerto Rican variation of both the running man and the Super Bowl Shuffle were some memorable ones that took place. About 10 minutes in, I'm sweating balls and by the end of the hour the only way I can gather the strength to do one more leg kick is if it was into Mr. Muscle's face.

In conclusion, I CERTAINLY got my dollars worth. And on my drive into school today I saw Mr. Muscle biking down the road, and as I cruised on past I honked my horn and threw out my hand to wave --- just so he knew I remembered him :)

The World Through Pink and Blue Colored Glasses

2009-08-25T20:45:00.006-04:00

I was thinking today about how basically every woman I am friends with is in a relationship where she is, or has been, the main breadwinner. And in most cases I speak of, she is/was the only bread winner. A brief list: My 2 sisters, Chellber, Ang...my PR friends: KA, Z, Jennifer M, Nora...essentially, all my friends. I find this extremely fascinating. Mostly because I don't think this is some sort of fluke in ratios -- I think this is the way it works now.

We wanted women's lib, and holy shit, did we get it. Thanks a lot, hippies! ( i kid, I kid...) But seriously...I'm questioning "the movement" tonight (but then I watch an episode of Mad Men and stop questioning it immediately).

Anyway, tonight I was irritated because I found myself doing the dishes. I fucking hate dishes. I don't just hate doing them, I hate when they are there. Sitting there in the sink all dirty and un-clean like. I sat there for a few moments, debating on just leaving them. But as I stood staring at them, I was imagining the food crusting itself every second I was wasting just standing there. So instead of let myself spiral into insanity over some dirty dishes, I pick up the dish soap and sponge and have at it. Now, here comes the worst part --- the dialogue happening inside my head and I hovered over the sink fuming:

Me: "I hate dishes, I hate dishes, I hate dishes, I hate dishes..."

Invisible Creature on Right Shoulder: "But Jessica, he made dinner. Isn't that they way it works? Whoever doesn't make dinner does the dishes?"

Me: "True, Invisible Creature on Right Shoulder....very true....

Invisible Creature on Left Shoulder: But Jessica, he wasn't at work all day! Don't you think you deserve to relax when I come home???

Me: "You are damn right I do!"

Invisible Creature on Left Shoulder: "Exactly, you were at work all day while he was at home, and you think it's too much to ask that he does dishes? Who buys the food he makes dinner with?"

Me: "I DO! I buy the food in this house!!! I go to work all day so we can afford to live here!!! I shouldn't have to come home after a long day of work and worry about cleaning the house!

WOW. And then I had to stop, because I realized I had absorbed myself into some kind of fucked up Reverse-1950's mentality. I had slipped into the twisted ideology of the 1950's man who went to work in the morning and came home at 6pm expecting a drink and 3 course meal waiting (though personally I would prefer 3 drinks and a 1 course meal..but anyway). You know, except I am a woman. But the point is, I caught myself thinking such things as: "but I pay for it" and "but I was at work all day" to justify...well, my laziness, basically.

What does this mean? That the tables have officially turned, folks. Chivalry might not be dead, but odds are that the Knight on the White Horse just might be a woman.

Kittens and Books

2009-08-24T10:10:00.005-04:00

Hello hello! Long time no talky. Well, a variety of "things" (not exciting enough to call "events") have happened, like school started and so I am back to work. Teaching the kiddies ingles. Such a joy. Seriously though, this semester I am teaching a different class at least, which is a refreshing change, and it's more literature based, which basically means more opportunity for me in the classroom to stand up and listen to myself talk for 45 minutes about dead authors and the metaphors for death which they wrote about. Because God knows the students probably aren't catching much. Ah well. I show a lot of videos, now that the classrooms have...PROJECTORS. Puerto Rico, home of technological innovation and practice, folks.

I was supposed to go home in August, which didn't happen because I was broke, and still am. I did talk to my sister Audrey last night though, and she is GOING INTO 7TH GRADE THIS FALL. Umm...what??!?! When did this happen? Where was I? (Boston, Florida, Europe, Minneapolis, PR....) And how do I make it stop? Seriously. It ain't right. I remember the day she was born, I remember the instant I heard about her birth, I remember seeing her in the hospital for the first time. AUDREY IS MY CHILD dammit, and I do not accept she is practically a teenager now! Mostly I think because that really ages me...I was in 8th grade when she was born. Time to face the facts, Jessica. Time to let the caged bird fly. Your younger siblings aren't that young anymore. You can't keep giving them over sized stuffed animals you got from Wal-mart on clearance and barrettes for Christmas anymore (damn!)

The point was this: she told me she was going to be working at this dog training place possibly. Audrey has a bit of the hippie spirit in her, and she also is an animal lover. This makes me a touch nervous about her future. Often times, animal lovers tend to lead lives similar to those in academia; you end up old and alone (but hopefully with a kick ass beach house...i'm not saying, i'm just saying) and end up feeding squirrels from your back yard bar (i.e.your picnic table) on Friday nights because you've spend the better portion of your life devoting your time to things that you love, such as books or malnourished kittens, and, since these things can't actually say anything, you feel safe assuming these objects which have become innate to you love you back.

This, of course, is false. Which is why it's only when I've lived with a man I've allowed myself to have a cat. Which we are trying to train to go on the toilet at the moment ---we are mid-way in the process at this point. It's been going fairly well, though there was a discrepancy last night when he crapped on my scarf that I left in the bathroom. I really hope he stops being a retard and figures this out. I seriously CAN"T STAND litter boxes. They smell fucking disgusting.

That about sums it up. Again, I will advertise the extra bedroom available in my new apartment -- which is FEET from the beach. You can fall asleep to the ocean, should that be of interest to you -- which I think it SHOULD, since it's fantastic. The season rate for a vacation stay at Casa de Jessica is a 24 pack of Medalla (to be shared) and a bag of Burnett Dairy string whips, if you are coming from Wisconson. If not, I also accept Top the Tater and Leinenkugal's Honey Weiss, Sunset Wheat, Fireside Nut Brown, or 1888 Bock as bartering gifts :D Miller Lite and High Life also eagerly accepted.

The Round-Up

2009-08-05T15:22:00.002-04:00

Living with someone is extremely hard and extremely easy, but never at the same time or on the same day. How, you are asking yourself, is this girl living with someone when only 5 short (really short) months ago she was talking about booty calls and broken hearts? Well, if you must now, I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. If someone would have told me 2 years ago when my plane landed on this steaming rock that I would be living with someone before I left, I would have bet you a lifetime supply of Medalla that it wouldn't happen. Quite frankly, I never thought I would live with anyone. Ever. Certainly not someone I wasn't legally bound to, and even in that scenario I wouldn't have been opposed to seperate living quarters, should it have been presentd as an option (as long as they came over for bedtime -- I've said it once and I'll say it again: only real reason having a s/o is preferable over not having one is the 5 minutes before bed and the 5 minutes after you wake up.) I digress.

I just moved into a new place. With a boy. Since then, however, I have come to strongly believe in the HIMYM Robin and Ted "the easiest roommate is the one you have sex with" notion. Valid.

AND THE PLACE IS AWESOME! How can I tell it was a great choice? We moved in yesterday, and there was a single beer in the fridge, and I found TWO bottles Dewer's stashed away in cupboards while I was cleaning. And a 1/2 bottle of wine, but i tossed it out :/ Little too risky....

As I write this, I am listening to the waves of the Caribbean. IT IS SO CLOSE TO THE BEACH!!!!!!!!! Like....20 feet? Approximately. Yes, there is an extra bedroom should anyone need a Puerto Rican escape. It is in Rincon, so this means no more Mayaguez! Not that it was a bad place to live. But... Rincon is better :) Let's be honest. It's a beach town, which means the beach is like THERE everywhere you turn. V. convenient. And it's an old man who owns the place, and I'm kinda like a magnet to old men. My charms have gotten me so far already that I told him I work at the university, and don't start until later in the month....and he is letting me pay him later. Old men rule!

Also, I really like the neighborhood because it is kinda like the Puerto Rican neighborhood of Rincon. Rincon can become a little over populated with surfers and tourists at times. My friend told me the neighborhood has pig roasts on the beach every weekend or so, which would be GREAT (free food). You know, since I like have no money left until school starts. Turns out working at a coffee place isn't exactly a profitable occupation, but really I was just happy to find a job ANYWHERE. I was getting paid 4.75/hour which is the lowest I've ever been paid in my ENTIRE life (probably including babysitting when I was 11). But the up side is that 4.75/ hr was enough to live on for the summer in PR (not including rent), and I even brought back a few grocery store games from my undergrad years. Game 1: You can't buy anything over $1 Game 2: You have see how many items you can buy for under $20 (or $10 if you're super poor). I call it Extreme Shopping. HOWEVER, I can say with full confidence I am ready to start school and teaching again and not be poor anymore. Poverty is exciting for a while....then it gets really annoying.

Pictures fromThe Great Pincho Adventure (see previous post)

2009-07-28T14:57:00.010-04:00

Here are a select few of the million or so pics from when my brother was visiting.

At Villa Cofresi drinking rum from coconuts:

The sunset at Calypso:

The beer cans wait while we go skinny dipping:

(this was a pre-skinny dip pic...yes indeed that is a shot of 151 *gag*burn*gag again*....)

mixing some beverages from the comfort of my lounge chair:

NOW....the moment you all have been waiting for....a PICTURE OF OLD BLUE (aka "Lucky", because dammit if that isn't exactly how i feel everytime it actually turns on) !!!!

....ain't she a beaut? Nick playing in the water

Nick picking oranges from the tree from the local kids and denting my hood :

At Tamboo:
Casa Vieja:
Calypso:

THE KITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! looks a little angry here, but i think he's just high:

One for the grandkids:

The three amigos:

The two amigos with a new third amigo:

At playa Buye:

THERE YOU HAVE IT. All of these are horribly out of order, but I think it captures the essence of the trip better that way.

The Quest for the Pincho or How My Brother Missed His Flight Because of a Kabob.

2009-07-17T00:14:00.011-04:00

My brother Nick was visiting for 7 days and I think I peed out straight Medalla this morning. Seriously.

He arrived in San Juan last Thursday, and I recruited The Highway and his cousin to drive me to pick him up (Old Blue really isn't in any condition for such a trip). We get to the airport, and I meet Nick. He has already sweated so much between getting off the plane and going outside, that he needs to change his shirt. Not everyone is cut out for a Puerto Rico summer. And by not everyone, I mean like 90% of humanity. Though I can't verify this statement, I feel it's basically accurate to say it truly is hot as hell. Thankfully I've had the ocean and an outdoor shower to get me through.

The "plan" is to bar hop at chinchorros (old man bars on the side of the road) on the way back home --- a little cheap bar hopping tour of Puerto Rico, if you will. We end up getting lost in Ponce. How do 2 Puerto Ricans actually get lost in Puerto Rico? I do not know. But, it happened. We decide to stop at a gas station to buy some beers. A map? Nahhhh...beer is the map of alcoholics, which we all are. So our method works, and before we know it we are in Mayaguez.Well, since we're here...may as well pop in to Garabatos for a quick little drink.

As usual, a "quick little drink" at Garabatos lasts until closing time and ends with a shot. We must not head back to Rincon with out....a pincho (a puerto rican meat kabob with a slice of bread on top --- best drunk food ever). We go down to the pincho lady by La Casita, but she is sold out -. No matter,we tell Nick, we have 7 days to get a pincho. Have no fear, young grasshopper. The pincho hunt will continue another night.

We are back on the road, and stop to get gas and some more Medalla. On the way out, someone points out an adorable little kitten sitting on top of the gas pump. Well we can't just leave it here, I very logically stated. Because Mayaguez isn't completely scattered will stray cats or anything. It's kinda the stray cat capital of the universe. So, we put the kitten in the car and obviously name the kitten 'Medalla'.

The next couple of days involve a lot of drinking incorporated into some beach time. We went snorkeling and I saw my first jellyfish!!! It was like 2 inches from my arm, which is why i saw it. A bit startling.

The last night was probably (most certainly) le grande finale, as it usually seems to go. We started off watching the sunset at Calypso, this bar by one of the beaches in Rincon. We begin with the Medallas. Lots and lot of Medallas. KA joins us after about an hour, and we continue the bar hop to the cheaper (AKA non-gringo) bar about 10 feet away. We end up at about 11 at the old man bar across from the plaza in Rincon, Casa Vieja, and play pool and what not. Cue DRAMA.

By this time, everyone is pretty well oiled up on Medalla and maybe a stray rum and coke. To top it off, I haven't seen Karrieann in probably 2 months, I haven't seen my brother in 6 months and he's leaving tomorrow, and Deb shows up and her and the Highway are suddenly MIA. Emotions are howyousay VERY HIGH. After I realize they are gone, I insinctly feeling ditched, left out, and EXTREMELY pissed off. Hey, thanks for letting someone know you were going to leave. A-holes. So, we try calling Deb and no answer. Nick and Karrie see how pissed I am, which makes them even more pissed off as well. Well, let's just go, they say. Why would we wait around to tell them where we are going when they didn't do that for us? The weakness in me is pushing for me to stay, but Karrie and Nick will have NONE of that. Cue "the talk".

We get into the car, and boy do they let me have it. "Jessica, who the fuck are you???" "The Jess I know wouldn't have cared if someone did this to her" "The Jess I know would have said FUCK 'EM, and left." "You used to be more confident Jess" "You used to be more outgoing, Jess". etc etc etc etc etc.........

And you know what the kicker is? They were completely right. I haven't even been myself, and that is truly saddest and shittiest thing of all. And it really felt good to have at least 2 people who knew me well enough to let me know that.

Anyway, we go to Tamboo, another bar and continue to drinking VERY heavily --- 151 shots with Medalla chasers heavy. Nick takes a moment to go talk to the dinosaurs on the big phone, and comes back out and does another shot. Alcoholic or Super Trooper? You be the judge (perhaps they are really just one in the same). Before I know it we are all naked and skinny dipping in the ocean. SUCCESS!

I think we went to bed at like 5AM, after coming home and polishing off a bottle of wine and leftover rum, and had to leave for the airport at 9:30AM. Therefore, obviously we were still drunk at 9:30AM. HOORAY! Makes driving a little more fun, I guess. KA is behind the wheel, and she stops at her apartment to show Nick where she lives. Then she stops at her bf's work to drop off his surfing things. Then she stops to get gas. It's about 11AM. I mention that Nick never got his pincho -- aww what a shame, since we are on the way to the airport and all. Running a little behind. "WHAT??!" says Karrie?? "he never got a pincho??!!" That just will not do. U -TURN!!! She "knows this great place" that "isn't out of the way". Right. Well, by the time we get the pinchos and back on the road, it's 11:30AM. Nicks flight LEAVES San Juan at 1:30PM. We are in Aguadilla, a town 2.5 hours away from San Juan. It isn't looking good, but Karrie insists we'll make it, and we believe her because she is driving like a bat out of hell. And there are no seat belt in the back seat. Father, SOn, Holy Spirit....Let's do this.

We get to the airport at 12:46PM. That is 1 minute too late for Nick to make security check. He reschedules the flight for 2PM. He texts me 2 hours later to tell me the flight is delayed. He text me 4 hours later to tell me the flight is CANCELLED and he is spending the night in San Juan. He said he tried to drink a Medalla when he got to the hotel, but had to throw it out. Over 24 hours later, he finally arrives in Minneapolis. Isn't exactly the way the bird flies, but he made it. And, most importantly, he didn't leave PR without trying a $1.50 worth of chicken on a stick. Mission Complete.

Stage Left. Immediately.

2009-07-04T01:05:00.014-04:00

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be" -Ellen Burstyn

I can't even tell what a bad roommate I am. I don't know if it comes from having my own room my whole life, or just the fact that I am actually like a dog who thinks that wherever she pees claims the territory as her own. Or, maybe I'm just a spineless moron who lets people walk all over her until she feels so imposed upon, she shuts down completely and doesn't even try and act hospitable anymore.

How, do you ask, can one have a 3 bedroom house to herself , yet still complain that she lacks solitude? Because I don't have it all to myself, i answer. To me, if someone were to say to me, "I'm staying in tonight", I would take that as, "Okay, this person is going to relax at home in her undies, maybe have a glass of vino in the tub before falling asleep to a Cameron Diaz romantic comedy. I guess I will call someone else to see what they are up to."

What wouldn' t I do? I wouldn't drive over to that persons house, because I dunno, MAYBE they actually are in their undies, OR maybe they are even spending some "alone time" with a "certain someone" and maybe I will knock at a very critical moment for both of them and *kinda* ruin things. I DUNNO.

Part of me feels like the chick in A frickin' New England Nun and like maybe I'm being like a control freak and I only want people over when I want them over.

But then I remember, oh fucking yeah, it's MY GODDAMN HOUSE so why the fuck shouldn't I feel like that???? Why shouldn't I be able to find peace in my own home? Why shouldn't I be able to spend an afternoon chatting on facebook and catching up on my blog reading, then BBQ at dusk because that's what I want to do. I guess I'm struggling with the concept that, despite being the rent payer, I, right now, am not doing what I want to do with my Saturday night. Instead I'm watching motherfucking Donnie Darko for the 8 gazillionth time, and not because I wanted to watch it. Heavens no. Nevermind what the fucking person who lives here wants to do or watch. Je-sus.

Instead I'm sitting in the dark corner of the living room, sulking and engaging myself in some sort of defiant hunger strike because I feel like if I go to the kitchen to make something, I'll have to make something for everyone, and that would signify hospitality and kindness. Neither of which I feel in the slightest right now.

I guess I like my home to be a place I can go to be alone. I don't like it to be the place where everyone comes to just lounge around and waste a day/night. I'd prefer they waste it somewhere not in my presence. I kinda like have my own time to waste, thanks. And I kinda like to do it alone. Shoe, fly.

Also, since I am used to living by myself, I have gotten accustomed to spending my days alone and enjoying some solitude, and so by the time night comes around, I'm ready to roll and socialize my little ass off. Nowadays, it's the total opposite: people everywhere, all the time. And, it's a bit frustrating and I'm not taking to the change very well, unfortunately.

Part of me thinks I am being selfish, but most of me thinks that I am just spineless.

Wish You Were Here

2009-06-23T14:37:00.007-04:00

Seriously though, I do. I've been missing having friends who "know" you. As in, they know why I am pissed off or upset, and they know exactly that they did to piss me off. No questions or conversations needed. I'm a fan of a little thing called "communication through non-communication" when it comes to friends, I really am. They do something that really gets under your skins, so you give them the silent treatment for 30-45 minutes or so, until finally they say, "So...do you want to get a drink or something?" Then all is forgiven and right again in the world, and the unspoken knowledge that they will never do insert offense here again, because that really chaps your hide, is silently understood. Done and done.

How long does it take before friends can actually read your mind? I mean, damn, is a little ESP in friends too much to ask for? (I think not, I have science on my side thankyou:
http://www.livescience.com/health/050427_mind_readers.html ) Ahem. I rest my case.

I was talking to Huffster last night about it via text, and she was like, "how do people not know the Lauer stare?" She is right. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. And by sleeve, I mean FACE. Really, there is no hiding it when I am pissed and quite frankly I don't even try to anymore. Also, I've come to accept recently that I can be a little...intimidating. When I get "the stare", I can only imagine whoever is around me just hopes that walking on eggshells will make them invisible enough to get around me on their frantic escape out the door.

Meh. What can you do?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: probably one of the worst things about moving around is that sometimes, no matter how many friends you make, you just feel like no one really "gets" you. Or, you get the suspicion that no one really cares enough to actually wants to listen to you when you feel all scared and/or weird about something in your life and need to talk to someone. And I can't stand it when people try and give you advice when you are really getting something off your chest. When someone tries to give me advice when I am spilling my guts to them, I take it as "here, do this and shut up now." Well thanks for listening. Asshole.

I dunno, I guess since humans are selfish beings, they sometimes forget to that other people have feelings, too. Or when they do remember, they just don't care. I want to try and eliminate these people from my life, or at the very least not let them get me down.

It's Been A Good 8 Years

2009-06-16T15:00:00.004-04:00

This past weekend was The Highway's/The Maybe's graduation, and because I adore retardedly long ceremonies in foreign languages, I attended as the event photographer. Here are some faves:

Shoulda been a photo journalist, if i say so myself:

The good news? If anyone is planning a trip down for MY graduation next May, I will have you know the Master's students walk before anyone else :) Which means I can get the diploma, and then we bounce immediately to get the party started. Not that I'm planning a party for my graduation already....ahhhhh yes i am.

What else? WELL, last month i got into my first Puerto Rican car accident. I will let it be known that the only car accidents I have ever gotten into have been because of my own stupidity, and have never involved another car. Well, what better time to get into your first multiple car accident than when you are living in a *basically* a foreign land, and have only just got your car 3 weeks ago? BLAH. I very lightly bumped the car in front of me, and I had to go fill out a novel of paperwork at some insurance place yesterday, and now I can only wait and see what will happen...keep your fingers crossed.

Field Trip!

2009-06-11T11:36:00.022-04:00

I went on a work field trip on Tuesday to Sandra Farms in the mountains of Adjuntas, PR -- a coffee plantation where Banana Dang buys some of the coffee they brew in the shop. It's is owned and operated by Sandra and Israel Gonzalez, two adorable retired teachers who somehow have the energy to maintain their land and business, and I only hope I have the motivation they still have when I have in my 60's. It was an AMAZING experience, as I have never seen something like this before.

Here is the view:

Some yet-ripe coffee beans

Israel and Sandra showing us a storage space:

Israel showing T2 some of the beans:

Where they dump and sort the picked beans before dumping down the shoot to be washed:

Israel and T2:

A bags of beans yet to be roasted:

The beginnings of a coffee bean? A flower:

Israel and his bag of beans:

LOVE THIS PICTURE:

Israel and the sugar cane he chopped down for us to try:

Everywhere you turned there was a freakin different plant on this farm. Grapefruit, orange, and avacado trees, sugar cane, BLUEBERRIES...it was insane. It also made me realize that, as much as I deny it, I'm growing to prefer the mountain air and country side to sidewalks and cities that never sleep.

Stress kills.

2009-06-08T17:24:00.002-04:00

...which is why i try to elimiated it from my life as much as possible. Today I woke up at about 9.30AM, and after a tomato and chive mini omelet, I went up to my NEW TERRACE to sunbathe. As I lay there, reading and absorbing the heat of a Puerto Rican summer sun, I realized, "Hey. Why do I even have a bathing suit on?" And then discarded my top and bottoms. There are large plants surrounding the edge of the terrance, making it completely off visable limits to any peeping toms. Goodbye, tan lines! Hello new morning ritual. The greatest part of it all perhaps was that there is a little shower in the corner of the terrace, so when i get hot, I just jump up and cool off. Actually, the greatest part is that that SHOWER HEAD IS A SEASHELL!!!!! (Will get a picture of that soon.) People are always complaining about summers in Puerto Rico, but so far in my experience, it has been fucking excellent!

So, how did I end up with a private terrace, you ask? Well, I was supposed to move into a new plan, but the girls actually never moved out. I had already given up my lease in my apartment, so I desperately saught a new somewhere to live for the next couple of months while I figure things out. A friend of mine said she knew a lady who was in the states for the summer, and would rent me out her 3 BEDROOM HOUSE IN RINCON. Uhhhhh.....Yes, please!!!!! To make matters even more awesome, I got a job at the coolest coffee house in Rincon, Banana Dang (www.bananadang.com). SO, not only am I living in the sweetest place ever, I also got a job for the summer!!!!!!!!!! Woo+ woo+!!!!!

I hope you know what this means. If you are reading this blog, I would like to officially invite you for a FREE STAY in Rincon, Puerto Rico during the months of June and July in one of my 2 spare bedrooms (3 spare beds -- one room has 2 twins:) Come one, come all!!!!!! We can go nude sunbathing on the terrace during the day, and BBQ by night. That is, before we go out for $1 beers. And we can go to the beach, too. It's like 1/4 mile away (I rode bike there yesterday). We can go snorkeling!!! I've been HUGE on snorkeling lately....saw a mothingf*cking STING RAY, as I mentioned a few posts ago. Anyhoo, if any or all of these things might be of interest to you, I suggest a brief stop at Orbtiz.com, airport destination SJU (San Juan). Go now, grasshopper!

What else, what else...lots of beach and downtime the past 2 weeks, as I unemployeed and what not. Back in the game now! I am growing a basil plant, and made a tomato basil pizza tonight, using it's leaving for the first time! It's basically wildly delicious, and I'm somewhat sad I can't eat it all myself. I *could*, but....that would be rude. And, I would lose out on an opportunity to make a culinary pass at a certain someone. It's my best and most effective flirting method thus far.

Uh, that's about all. I'm going for another slice. Will put up some pictures of your potential room and vacation home, if you take the opportunity to utilize my luck this summer :) Also of the nude sunbathing terrace.

Yeah, yeah....

2009-05-26T21:47:00.003-04:00

...so i haven't been great at the updates. Well boo-HOO! A couple things have happened:

1.) i am in love

2.) i was sick and wasn't drinking (that much), thus had no good drunken adventures to write about

3.) school ended, which meant like 8 thousands papers to write for my classes, and another 8 thou to grade for my students.

I am also simultaneously trying to find a summer job in PR, and move out of my apartment...but i'm not exactly sure where i'm moving yet (don't ask.)....

I bought some freeze-pops today at Walgreens! It's around 130 degrees here, and i'm offically on a popsicle diet.

Think I'll Slip on Down to the Oasis

2009-05-04T23:12:00.007-04:00

I've gotten a new hobby, by the way....Snorkling!!!! I've always been a water person, but this has really been fantastic. It's insane how close you can come to fish and living organisms, and even crazier how close you can get to living things and not even realize it.

For example, this past Friday I went snorkling in Buye, and i FUCKING SAW A STRING RAY!!!! Just chilling at the bottom, like 5 feet away from me. I also touched a starfish, and held a sea cucumber, which is this really weird thing that like pees water or something when you touch it. It was really weird. I'm not sure of the logistics of it to be honest. But, it was a great day that involved snorkling, BBQing lunch and dinner on the beach, and hanging with good people.

So, I've been terrible about updating. We can chat about that for a while. I have no excuse for my laziness, aside from a pseudo-relationship, and a pseudo academic career at this point....eeeks. Puerto Rico: La Isla del Psuedo-things, apparently....

Anyway. The past....4 months or so have been extremely, extremely new and different for me. New people, new things...new everything, it seems like. It started with a party (Chellber visiting), and it kind of never stopped. Oh well :) I'm entering the home stretch of the semester, which always brings mixed emotions. OH! and my FUCKING CAR GOT A FLAT TIRE LAST NIGHT. I can't tell you how horrible it feels to depend completely on other people to help you, because you are too incompetent to carry a spare tire, or even if you had one, know how to change the bitch. It was one of the worst feelings ever, quite frankly, and though I am grateful I had people who were willing to help me, I really don't want to feel like that ever again.

YES, I have a car now :D :D :D So you know....visitors welcome. ALSO, i'm moving to a new apartment in June that will have an EXTRA BEDROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come one, come all!

it would be easier if you could just read my mind.

2009-05-04T21:03:00.007-04:00

As of tonight, I have officially accepted I have a problem --- i cannot bring myself to actually admit or show when I am upset.

When did I first realize this was a problem? Ohhhhh, I would have to say when I got into a raging fight with my brother on New Year's Eve, and literally pulled over on the way home at Ma and Pa Chell's, just so I didn't have to be in the car with him for 1 more second --- and still managed to show up at their door with a smile as my brother drunkenly tried to figure out how to start the car, and if I really had just totally ditched him in someones driveway. When Donna opened the front door confused as to why the fuck I was there at 9pm on New Year's Eve and not, I don't know, with my friends, all I said was "Hi!" like this was totally normal or something.

GOD.

Who does that???? Luckily, the Mike and Donna seem to have a 6th sense for these things, and it only took 2 Jack and Cokes for me to spill my guts to them.

I don't know. It's just not normal, is what I am saying. Why do I pretend to be happy when I'm not? Why don't I just let people know I feel shitty when I feel shitty? It always ends up screwing my over in the end. Conversation and openness is apparently a good thing, which I'm still trying to accept. Uuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........
why.

I guess the one downfall of living basically in paradise, and of kind of being a nomad in general, is that you eventually realize no one knows you better than people at home...and when the moments come around when you really just need someone to know you, they are all a million miles away...particularily when you are a type of person who just functions better when you don't really have to acually "say" anything to someone in order for them to assess your mood.

It sounds stupid, but sometimes living alone can be really lonely.

"Holy" Week, 19 year old strippers, and waking up on a moving boat 20 miles off the coast of Puerto Rico

2009-04-09T13:26:00.014-04:00

What exactly does it feel like to wake up on a moving boat manned by six old men at 5 AM and you are 20 miles off the coast of Puerto Rico and moving further away by the second...? Well, if your name is Jessica, it feels FANTASTIC!!!!

This week is Semana Santa/Holy Week (I just can't bear to actually call it "Spring Break") and so there has been a lot of relaxing and a lot of non-relaxing. On Tuesday, Deb and I decided to do a beach day to Playa Sucia, which is probably the most gorgeous beach on the West Coast, if not in Puerto Rico entirely. We spent the day relaxing and swimming and relaxing and swimming. The most complex decision we made the entire day was deciding if we should stop and get sandwiches or comida criolla to bring with us for lunch, and if I should put SPF 15 or 30 on my face. BIG DECISIONS.

At about 5pm, we departed the beach and decided to go to Boqueron (the next town up) to catch the sunset and enjoy a Deb and Jess Happy Hour (buying a six pack and taking it somewhere)and decide how to spend the remainder of the eve. As we are perched on the edge of a dock in Boqueron, a boat pulls up and a rather generous young buck gives us a Medalla from their boat. Why thank you, sir --- buen provecho! A while later, they come back and a fat old man starts talking to us and tosses us another Medalla. Gracias! Come to find out, he is a police officer in Mayaguez! Agent Flores, and we joked about how we are going to ask for him the next time we were in trouble in Maya. I think he thought we were joking, but clearly he didn't have enough time to get to know both of us and the endless possibilities of disaster we often narrowly escape.

After Agent Flores motored away, the sun was near setting, and 2 gringos in their 40's approached their dingy on the dock. "Did you see the sunset last night?", they ask. "Why no, we did not," we reply. Etc etc small talk small talk. We find out they are from Vermont or New Hampshire -- i can't remember which now -- and that their names are Leo and Mike and Leo's dad owns this humonous boat that is about 30 feet off the dock. "Do you go fishing on that boat?" I ask Leo. "Of course we do", says Leo. "Can we come???", I ask. Leo looks shocked. Leo is a middle aged man and not much of a looker, and i can only imagine he was thinking what 2 cute 20-something girls wanted to do with him. "Well, you see, Leo" I explain, "it's that deep sea fishing is on my Lifetime List of Things to Do." The lightbulb goes off in Leo's head, which I imagine was something like "Ohhh so they are using me! Well alrighty then!" and he says he is sure his father would love to have us along tomorrow, and that he'll go take us to meet him right now! He's just at the bar...

Of course he is.

I turn on my charm as we march to the bar to meet old man Captian, also known as Gene. Now, let's do the math here. If Leo is in his 40's, it can be assumed Gene is 60-something. Just as a point of reference. We meet Gene and I do my best to charm his pants off (not literally). It works! We are in! The ship sets sail at 4am! We can sleep on the boat! I asked Gene if I can have my own pole and everyone at the table erupts in laughter. I revise the statement by asking if I can have my own pole that someone else watches with me, and that request seems to go over much better.

Now, we have locked in our deep sea fishing excursion for tomorrow. Let's ditch these oldies! Outside the bar I see Deb chatting with 3 young bucks, and she gives me the "come over here" signal. Peace out, old dudes! I have some real flirting to do. I approach the group, and they immediately offer to strip for me. Um, what??!?!
"Uh, do i have to pay you?" I ask them. Because that would be a problem. I think I had $5 left at this point in the night. "No! Heavens no!" they assure me. Deb has left me, and I'm on my own. I am being cornered by 2 adorable boys who are telling me they want to strip for me. I am at a loss for words. They tell me they are 19 and have a sripping business on the side of their real jobs (a policeman and a firfighter...really?!??!?!). "Which one would you like to strip for you?" they ask me. "Hmmm...I guess I will have to get a preview from you both to make that decision", I reply. GAME ON! After 45 minutes of me touching their muscles, having them dance on me, and making one of them go into the bar and dance merenge with me, Deb made a gallant return and we were swept away by Leo to the boat. Later, boys! Thanks for the free show!

We go to the dingy, and poor Leo is so shitfaced he can't start the motor. Deb and I grab the oars, and ask him which boat we are supposed to be paddling towards. We arrive to the ship alive, and Leo escorts us to our private cabin, which happens to be a snug cellar with 4 bunks in it. We sit up giggling for about 20 minutes and talking about how we hope to wake up with all our organs in the morning. Just as we are drifting off, Leo busts into the cabin and grabs both of our hands. HOLY SHIT. "I just want you guys to know that you are really good friends," he drunkenly slurs. Umm...you too, Leo...I mean, you've been a great friend for the 90 minutes i've known you, that is. Now please stop being weird. After that incident, we can't help but spend some MORE time giggling before drifting off.

About 2 hours later, it's time to rise and shine! Well, maybe not. I'm slightly hungover and have only had a cat nap. There will definitely not be a lot of shining happening. I lay in bed with the water wanting to rock me back to sleep, but keeping my eye on the window on the ceiling so i can see when the sunrises. THAT is something i do not want to miss!! An hour later, we really wake up, giggling again, because when i reach for the bathroom door i touch a pair of damp swim trunks and chuck them across the cabin (roughly 2 feet) and do a fucking nasty i just touched something wet that isn't mine dance. We make our way to top deck, and Captain Gene is sure to make sure we take about 3 different kinds of motion sick medicine immediately. One of them is a watch thingy that you wear and it shocks you. Here is Deb trying it out:

Basically Deb gets sick right away, and insists on sitting on the back of the boat so she can chuck over the side while Captain Gene, Sir Charles, Carl, Leo and Mike look on nervously and waiting for her to go overboard. Me, I was a little busy taking pictures of the sunrise to hold back anyones hair:

At about 7AM, the fish really start biting, and I get to even reel on in (that is, before it got away...). Anyway, here is Sir Charles bringing in a Baracuda!

And here is Sir C and Carl banging a fish over the head, because apparently that is the more humane way to kill them:

Here is me and Deb in the background chucking:

The pictures kind of end right here, because it was at about this time I had to go barf myself. Being hungover on a giant fishing ship is not an easy task, folks. I haul ass downstairs and throw myself out the window, looking at the most perfect turquoise water I have ever seen, only to watch it be polluted with regurgitated orange juice (that was breakfast). I stumble into the living room and decide the take a nap in one of the chairs (but not before i take a Dramamine). When I wake up, I feel 8 million times better, and decide i better turn on my charm and entertain our hosts (Deb is sleeping in her bunk). I don't know why, but sometimes I feel obliged to entertain people when they are in my presence. Anyhoo, that afternoon I was enlightened about the lives of 5 strangers whom I had met less than 24 hours ago. Capitan Gene proved to be quite the philosopher, had been boating for about 15 years, and also owns a house in the Bahamas, which he bought from an Englishman who he met in a bar after 3 days after being there. Carl was due to receive his first social security check that week, which he was wildly excited about, and he is a talented musician who used to play shows with Jimmy Buffett and they would split the door pot down the middle. Sir Charles had been a commercial fisherman for 20 years in Alaska. All of them just met a month ago and have travelled extensively on their boats, and were particularly fond of Trinidad and South America. Leo is Gene's son and has worked with Mike in a gun factory in New Hampshire for most of their lives. Mike is apparently a genius according to all the men, which i believed because he totally had the crazy eyes, and this was his first time on a plane OR a boat. It's about 9:30AM and Captain Gene asks if would like some "cold barley soup". *sigh* Oh Gene, you have no idea how much I would like that.

Here's The Captain and Sir Charles:

At about noon, we dock so Gene can fill up with water, which apparently takes like 3 hours. Uh, ok....
I go downstairs and rouse Deb, who surely is ready to dance on solid ground. We end up sitting in a bar and drinking water and trying to not to be so sea sick and hungover, because we still have to make it back to the dock/our car/Mayaguez.

We made it back in 1 piece. End of story. BUT, not before Captain Gene and crew grilled all the fish and some papas on the boat for lunch :D :D :D We ate the fish we caught that morning for lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was one of the tastiest and most memorable meals i've ever had.

Something thing learned in the last 48 hours: the best way to get what you want is to just ask for it.

I Love Dominoes.

2009-04-02T14:28:00.004-04:00

When I got out of the Medical Services building today at 1pm, AFTER BEING THERE SINCE 7:45AM, I wandered over to Chardon (which is the English Dept. building). I see a co-worker in the lobby, and asked him how the meeting was I missed this morning when I was waiting for 5 hours in servico medico to get a fucking pap smear and some birth control.

As I guessed, I missed nothing at the meeting, and sat down to chat for a bit. Before I know it, the dominoes had come out and I was playing with 3 seasoned Puerto Ricans. Playing dominoes with real players is extremely intimidating. I played on Tuesday at Garabato's, and this one dude playing could guess what I had in my hand before the last round. Kinda takes the excitement out of the game, if you ask me.....but anyway. Regardless, I was kicking ass on Tuesday, and today was no exception! Sure, it could have been luck, but I do play with somewhat of a strategy! And I would like to think it's an effective one, and that's why my game has improved :D

Anyway, so as I sit playing, they decide now is as good time as any to give a quick espanol lesson to the little gringa. Up today: carajo, pendeja, what garabato really means ("scribble" or this machete like tool use to pull sugarcane),and words in spanish where it's possible to use "fuck" as an infix (por fa-fucking-vor! ben-fucking-dito!)

It was a joyful experience. When will I be able to hangout playing dominoes on a Thursday afternoon in the sun? It was a moment where you realize that, actually, your life is awesome and you should never complain about anything ever again, because that would make your an ungrateful bitch.

When People Surprise You, Sometimes You're Surprised That You Can Still be Surprised.

2009-04-01T15:56:00.004-04:00

The class I taught today KICKED ASS and I am on cloud 9 right now! Sometimes I am at the end of my rope with things, such as teaching young adults things they just aren't interested in learning (like English), and then those little bastards do something that makes me feel like I maybe haven't been beating a dead horses all this time! Hoorah!!!

We did improv acting in class today, and I gave them little "prompts" like : "two siblings fall in love with the same person at a wedding" and "a father takes his daughter shopping for her first bra" and they have to act them out in groups. SO HiLARIOUSSS and creative!!! And, I give them a thousand and one props for speaking another language in front of a classroom of people, of course.

*sigh*

I feel like I've accomplished something!

"Tanto nadar para morir en la orilla".

2009-03-31T16:24:00.004-04:00

Here we are again! Still alive and kicking it, Jessica style.

So, he other day I had to go get birth control in Puerto Rico... a process that lasted 3.5 HOURS, involved roughly 20 pages of paperwork, and a "conference" in espanol about STDs as well as a 20 minute 1 on 1 interrogation from a nurse -- and I STILL came out empty handed! Well, that's not completely true - they did give me about 800 condoms and a million brochures i'll never read. AND, I have to go back tomorrow for MORE testing and questioning! AND, the best part is that my "appointment" tmorrow is between 8AM and 10AM. That doesn't mean i can choose whatever time i come. It means I should get there at 7:30AM and at some point between 8 and 10 I will be seen. So...looking forward to that! Definitely bringing a book.

UPDATE on 4/2: It's 10:23 AND I AM STILL WAITING!!!!!!!!! Been here since 7:45AM.

Mental Drano!

2009-03-27T12:29:00.009-04:00

I am starting to remember why I have enjoyed being (technically) single for the better part of the last 4 years --- because i don't enjoy being used as a mental Drano! Holy-fucking-shit! I don't want to say I've enjoyed being single because "i don't have to care about anyone but myself" -- that's just not completely true. I am a caring person (or I try to be) HOWEVER, i haven't missed being mind fucked three ways to the weekend on a regular basis just because someone else is in crisis meltdown mode and therefore i am somehow involved in some obscure way just because i like the person. Um, WHAT?! Now I need a Drano outlet. I would like to get off this train now, please. Next stop: Normalville! Maybe a quick stop at Rationalization Ave., where i can stock up wine and perhaps a dime bag to help me make it the rest of the long (very long...) trip.

So, I'm all like "hey, perhaps you should fill me in on what's happening here" and he's like "oh but i am so bad communication"....because if there's something every girl loves to hear, it's that she is hard to talk to. Or not. I like my questions answered like I like my coffee: Black or White. Wait, what...? Well, you know what i mean. It is unacceptable to answer a question or request for information with a poorly formed and transparent excuse.

Everything is so ridiculous. I kind of feel like Dante at the end of the The Divine Comedy, and just want to laugh at how fucking stupid all this is, and stand back in amazement at how much time and effort was wasted trying to make sense of it all. Or like that dude in The Watchmen who is crying on that other dudes bed and all like "but what was this all for? i'm so confused and sad, even though my alias is The Comedian. wa wa waaaa". Basically what i'm saying is The Watchmen was a huge rip off of The Divine Comedy.

CULEBRA!

2009-03-24T11:17:00.015-04:00

Here are some pics from Culebra weekend! So fantastically relaxing, though I ruined some of it by thinking too much. Stupid brain always moving! For being as cunning and mysterious as I am (okay, not really at all), I'm a bit disappointed in myself for being played so easily. For shame, Jessica. For shame!

So, here's Culebra in a nutshell:

Deb, aka Gringa 2, aka G2, tells me that we should totally go to Culebra because her brother lives there and we can totally stay with him. Um, ok! Sure, sounds like a plan. When should we go? THIS WEEKEND? Well alrighty then! No time like the present. And since I’m so responsible and am a teacher who truly values the education she is bestowing upon young minds, I cancel my class on Friday. OH, and I also skip working in the Writing Center. Lesson for the day, kids: The world doesn’t fall apart if you take a few days off, so you should consider doing it more often. Also, become a university teacher, because then you can totally pull this shit all the time.

Wednesday night we have a salon night in G2’s apt. and I cut her hair and she highlights mine. We had only smoked about 2 joints, so it was totally a great idea to get out scissors and permanent hair dye to make some irreversible changes to our appearance . Right. Luckily, it was a FULL SUCCESS. No shaved heads, or flaming red highlights. We also make half-hearted promises to shut off our phones and not text or call any men in our lives for the weekend, which I think we were both moderately successful at accomplishing.

We get to Ciebo, and take possibly the tiniest plane in existence on a fluttering flight across the Caribbean to Culebra. We land, and go to her bro’s house, whom by the way LIVES IN A TREEHOUSE. Uh, AWESOME. His kitchen is outside. The following days included laying on the beach, smoking on the beach, drinking on the beach, drinking outside, dancing, rumba, drinking and dancing, sleeping, sleeping, and more sleeping. And writing. Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like the only time they really know exactly what they want in life comes when they are drunk…? Drunken clarity, babes! I'm a believer.

View from the plane:

Deb's bro Cuso jammin'

Cuso's house where we stayed!!! A large treehouse!
View from the side:

Bridge at sunset

Boxed wine on the beach

The BEACH!

Old tank on the beach
Too cute!
SHADOWS!!!!

YES, i took this, i thank you! I saw this idealistic scene in real life.

Here I Go Again

2009-03-18T12:28:00.005-04:00

So, a I mentioned before, the past month or so has been completely nutso. A LOT of fun, but the lows are getting so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap. Men are morons, and that is my final word on the matter until I meet one who proves me wrong.

IN OTHER NEWS, I am going to CULEBRA THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!! It is an island off the east side of PR, and I am WILDLY excited for it because THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE:

...and because I need a vacation like pronto. Ugh. So, we are leaving tomorrow. I am going with my gringa friend Deb, and I can't even tell you how much I am looking forward to this. I just want to lie comatose on the beach for the entire 3 days I will be there. Also, this will be a perfect opportunity to cease internet and cell phone usage for a good 4 days or so, making texts and emails much much easier to altogether avoid from people whom are in the states right now visiting their girlfriends.

Like I said: MORONS.

Spontaneous Sundays

2009-03-09T11:38:00.002-04:00

Last evening, Z popped by to drop off some things, and mentioned that it would be nice to get a 6-pack and watch the sunset. Uh, Okay! Let's do it!

We are off.

We stop at a gas station to buy the goods, and there is the huge handicap parking section i've ever seen in my life. SEriously, there were like 6 parking spots reserved for handicap. WHEN THE FUCK ARE THERE EVER 6 HANDICAP DRIVERS AT A GAS STATION AT ANY GIVEN TIME???? Frightening. Also, there were no visable "non-handicap" parking anywhere, so we just parked in a handicap spot anyway.

So, we purchase out beverage of choice (Medalla, naturally) and proceed to the beach. We see a "Do Not Enter" sign next to a private driveway. We enter. There were some little steps going down to a perfect little spot for us to inhabit for a while until the sun went down. Again, moments that make me think "hey, maybe this island thing isn't so bad afterall..."

We talked shit until the sun went down, and then met up with JC from some surullos and empanadillas, then went back to their place and watched TV and enjoyed the rest of the night with Medallas and good company.

The Puerto Rican Paradox

2009-03-09T10:40:00.003-04:00

The other day, I called up Ralph the taxi driver to take me to Walgreens, and it was perhaps the most depressing 5 minutes of my life. However, I think the convo highlights the strange double edge sword-ness of Puerto Rico. When you think of living on an island, you think beach and slow living and how nice it would be to live on an island. But when you know you can't leave, because you have no money to leave, it's a whole different story.

My conversation with Ralph, a Newyorican who now drives taxi in Mayaguez:

“Hey Jessi, how you been girl?”

“Alright.”

“You wasn’t waitin’ long for me, was you?”

“Nope. What about you? How have you been? Doing anything exciting lately”?

“Nah. Anything exciting costs money, and I ain’t got it.”

“God, how true.”

“If I had even a million dollars, it could change my life. But I ain’t going to find it here.”

“No, probably not.”

“Really, Jessi. If I had a million dollars, my life would be happy."

I wanted to say something about money not being able to buy happiness, but even I am not that naïve anymore, and don’t think I truly believe it myself at this point. I mean, I don't think rich people are happier people, but I do think financial strains can do a number on you, even if you are generally happy person with no money. Green paper makes the world go round, afterall. And if you can't be part of the world, then what are you good for?

“If I had a million dollars, I’d take you on a cruise Jessi. We could go on a cruise in the Caribbean”

“I would be available for that”

“Mira, Jessi…you want to know what I would do with a million dollars? This is just talk, but I’m gonna tell ya”

“Go ahead”

“First, I would move. Maybe not off the island…but I would move to San Juan, definitely. Definitely need to get outta Mayaguez.”

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“But the thing is, Jessi, if I stay in Puerto Rico, my million dollars would go farther. Right? Things ain’t as expensive as over there in the states. So, Jessi, what I would do next is I would find a comfortable condominium in San Juan. Nothing huge, but something for like 100 grand. Maybe that wouldn’t pay it all off, but at least a good chunk of it. Then, I would have 900,000 left, right?”

“Right”

“Okay, Jessi, so then the next thing I would do is I would go to the biggest Mercedes Benz dealer in San Juan, and I would buy me one of the nicest cars that have there in the lot…maybe that would cost me like $125,000. I wouldn’t lease it or nothin’, I would just pay cash for it. So then I would have about 800,000 left. I have 2 daughters, and I would give them each $50,000 each.

“That’s nice of you”

“Alright Jessi, but then I’ll still have 700,000. So, I would take 50,000 and upgrade my wardrobe. Buy some new suits, shoes…maybe a little ring – nothin’ big. This is just talk, of course, but there ain’t nothing wrong with talking.

“Nope”

"Alright, mira, check this out: So then, I would take 100,000 and invest it in a business. If you don’t invest some of it, you’ll just spend it all. You won’t be making anything back. Maybe I would just buy a couple taxis and rent them out. Then, I would take 100,000 and put it in one of those CD accounts at the bank, so it grows some interest.
So, Jessi, I still have about $500,000 left, and probably I would buy another house somewhere and rent it out. You’ll never lose money that, owning property.
And I would keep out about $150,000 to use as spending money. You gotta have a plan though, otherwise a million dollars won’t last you long…it’ll burn a hole right through your pocket. But if I ever got a million, I would live happy for the rest of my life with it.“

By the time we got to Walgreens, Ralph had spent his million, and I wanted to ask him how he planned on living for the rest of his life on a million dollars when he has just spent it all in a 5 minute drive.

One Small Step for Jessica...

2009-03-05T13:06:00.002-04:00

...one GIANT leap for Jessica!

Boo yah! I made an doctors appointment today en espanol, AND went to the bank to return someones credit card that I found in the ATM machine!

i rule.

I Can't Stop Doing Things I Love (literally, no pun intended ;).

2009-03-03T11:18:00.003-04:00

Ahhh…Puerto Rico. These past few weeks have made me never want to leave, and here’s why:

Because I start thinking: How many Monday nights will I be able to walk down the block for a couple quick mid-thesis writing beers at 10pm, spend less than $5 but still end up reasonably drunk, and enjoy every sip outside with the Caribbean breeze on my face? How many Wednesday’s will I be able to go to a bar that has a happy hour where beer is 75 cents, end the night at a strip club (they had plastic chairs), and STILL wake up in time for my 11AM meeting? How many Friday’s will I be able to drunkenly dance to early 90’s hip hop and rap before briefly passing out on the beach laying on the person you have a gigantic crush on? How many times will I be able to go to class, or teach, sunburned and with sand and salt water still clinging to me?

All these things and more make me enjoy my life here.

Let me recap the past…month or so. So, randomly one day I am checking my mail, and this girl in my building is holding the elevator, but I tell her to not bother. She looks like a gringa, but sometimes it’s hard to say. 3 hours LATER, I am at Sand’s for 75 cent beer Wednesdays, and THERE SHE IS! Talking to Francis, Chabs, and Mason! She is from Boston! She has lived underneath me in the same apartment building for 4 YEARS! And just NOW I am meeting her! A new friend! Ohhh how I think my luck couldn’t get any better!

And then it does! I find out she is a friend of one of my friends, aka The Maybe. How fantastically perfect! And so now, I have a new neighbor, a new friend, and a new person to reminisce about how awesome fall weather is and how much we miss it. In other words, the past month has been, overall, fucking AMAZING. So. Much. Fun. Despite a few road bumps (see previous entries), this semester has proven to be legendary. And speaking of road bumps – I’m so over them. You can’t make yourself stop liking someone, and I don’t plan on it. I will enjoy things while I have them and I can. I guess it all boils down to that cheesy ass, vomit inducing phrase: “it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. I used to like to think I disagreed completely with that, but clearly I don’t. I’m too much of a lover and liver to stop myself from doing either.

ALSO – I am getting a CAR! A light blue station wagon to be exact!!! My gringo friend is selling it to me and it’s the biggest, most awesome piece of shit car EVER! My first car (and second) was a wagon, and after the humiliation of driving them around during my teenage years, I thought I would never, ever be caught dead with one again. Pssshaw! And then I realized that they’re AWESOME!

Eeks!

2009-03-02T16:19:00.001-04:00

I WILL UPDATE SOON! MANY STORIES TO TELL!!! WAITING UNTIL TONIGHT WHEN I HAVE A GLASS OF RUM IN MY HAND...

Love Stinks.

2009-02-24T09:51:00.012-04:00

Oh, disaster, my Friends. So much for following through with all that drunken clarity I was having….

Surely nothing can be worse that getting your heart slapped around. How can so much possibly change in 1 week, 24 hours, or in one fucking moment? Was I crazy in love, or just fucking crazy….? Je-sus. It’s just not fair. When your heart breaks, you can’t get a cast put on. It really fucking sucks when maybes officially turn into non-maybes, and you have to go right back to stupid square one all over again. BLAH. I am so sick of square one I could vomit all over it (and if I didn’t spend every last cent to my name this weekend trying to do just that, I would probably give it another run today).

I feel blindsided, but I really shouldn’t. Did I see this coming? Indeed, roughly a mile away. Did I do it anyway? Ohhh, you bet your sweet ass I did. As we all know by now, Love is a blind little bitch, and that is true in every language. *sigh* Self destruction has just been so easy for me these days. It’s disgusting. I disgust myself.

More importantly, how could I possibly not have enough respect for myself to even get involved in being “the other” woman? Or to even proceed with a pseudo relationship where the most satisfaction I can get is to pretend to be a girlfriend? Um, red fucking light, anyone? Cuckoo, cuckoo....*I am shaking my own head at myself....feel free to do the same*

ARghhhh….That is actually I think the thing that disappoints me the most…that I am such a friggin’ moron I actually accepted the position of 2nd best when no one with an OUNCE of respect for themselves would do something so foolish and pathetic. But I do respect myself…it’s all just so depressing and confusing. I’ll just settle on the conclusion that I’m a goddamn idiot and call it a day.

I feel like love’s uneven remainder, destined to be carried over for eternity while all the other numbers keep getting added together to equal a whole.

The longest relationship I’ve had in 3 years has been with a bottle of wine, and that’s a fact.

UPDATE: 2:12 AM

So, I took a Medalla break at about 10PM and met my wingman Gerardo on La Calle. How many times in my life will I be able to take a break from writing a paper to go have several $1 beers under the stars with a balmy breeze blowing on my face? Like NEVER. He also showed me a bar that now sells I.P.A. and PILSNER. ON TAP. Dude, seriously. Thank f’ing God for friends, is all I have to say right now. Even when you go through the day absoutely convinced your heart will cease to beat at any moment, a cold beer and a nice friend is enough to set you right again. At least for the night.

I still have to finish my paper, btw….not going to happen tonight. Do you know how hard it is to write a paper on Ovid’s Heroides right now, which is basically a bunch of desperate love letters these chicks wrote to their men whom they didn’t completely trust? You have to admire them for their willingness to be vulnerable, though, in the midst of their distress. I would call it pathetic if I didn’t envy it so much.

Can you remember how much it sucks to get goodnight messages from someone every night, and then suddenly the night comes that you don’t get them anymore? It’s roughly the most painful feeling ever. I even remember my first boyfriend would always call me at 8pm, and for the longest time after we broke up, I would still pay attention to the clock at 8pm. That is totally pathetic, but I was 14, so it’s forgivable. Now I’m 26 and it’s significantly less forgivable.

When You Can't Stop Digging Yourself Into a Gigantic Hole...

2009-02-18T19:37:00.002-04:00

...go out and have a drink. That is my motto, anyway. Sadly. Or sleep, that sometimes works too. As good 'ol Ernie Hemingway said, "my life tends to fall apart when I'm awake." TRUE STORY, Hem. True story. Not always as much fun as going out and making friends with Jack Daniels or Jose Cuervo, though, is it now?

Certainly not.

Well, Karrieann is coming over tonight so I can proof read her thesis and share a bottle of vino, and I'm sure it's going to end with me in a drunken mess. I just have that premonition. Don't you just love when you know the night will end in destruction and tears? You feel it in your bones, and if you are wise, you stay away from any hard liquor named after 20th century lumberjacks or moonlighters. Meh, it hasn't happened in a while, so I suppose I'm well due for a good meltdown. She's going to have to listen to me bitch about the same shit I have been for like 2 weeks now, so that should be really fun for her....probably about as fun as it will be for me to read her thesis ;) I kid, I kid....*yay*....

Then we are going out. I must go out.

The Maybes.

2009-02-13T08:47:00.013-04:00

I woke up today at 5:30 AM because of a booty call. This, of course, is a completely inappropriate time to be giving someone a booty call. 4 AM should be the cut off, I mentioned to him. But, then, he did point out I called him at 7:30 AM once...valid.

Men are so transparent, until you actually like one of them. It's so stupid and annoying.

When you get a call at 5:30AM, you know what to expect. Which, essentially, is nothing. I mean, they aren't going to come over for a cup of tea and a chat. And this is refreshing because you don't waste any time wondering "hmmmm do they like me? should i wait to sleep with them? where is this going? what am i getting myself into?" etc etc... You know these answers right off the bat. Where am I going? I'm going to the bedroom. What am I getting myself into? I'm getting myself into bed. Should I wait to sleep with them? Sure, maybe another minute or two of foreplay would be nice. Do they like me? Non-applicatable question in this situation.

It's just so easy that way.

But then there are those you just can't bring yourself to seduce, because you think *maybe* there is something slightly more here. Maybe this person will never call me at 5:30AM because maybe they will already be sleeping next to me. Maybe I would like them to hang around for more than a night. Maybe this one isn't a total jackass. And you go through about 8 gazillion maybes trying to figure the whole blah damn thing out, that pretty soon you just start wishing that the maybe guy would just fucking call you at 5:30AM, because then at least you would know where in gods name this whole thing is headed, and it would make turning down 5:30AM calls from other non-maybe guys so.much.easier!!!!

The World Through a Yellow Tinted Cup 'o Medalla.

2009-02-11T10:16:00.009-04:00

"It really IS odd how things come into a point of clarity when you are drunk. I think it’s all about the releasing of inhibitions. We do things that we want to, when we’re drunk. You’ll get the classic Catholic guilt over some of them in the morning, but for a brief, shining moment—you did what you wanted, said what you wanted, and be damned to anyone else." - Rebekah M.C.-P.

I've been having sputs of mental clarity when I've been drunk lately. I can't say that's ever really happened to me before. Normally it's quite the opposite. I mean, sure I have AWESOME ideas when I'm drunk, but they usually lean more towards the "you know what would be totally awesome right now..." ideas that involve either Taco Bell, getting naked, or trying to craft a bong out of various fruits. Not so much the ones that help me figure my own life out. I was telling Bekah about it, and she just emailed me the above reflection, and I almost wanted to weep. ALSO, I had a heart to heart with a stray cat that was in the stairwell of my apartment when I got home...I think that means I'm totally insane :/

Ice Ice Baby

2009-02-05T16:26:00.003-04:00

Since I have previously said that I've only been in one major car accident, I should just clear something up right away before you read any further: the story i'm about to tell you doesn't constitute as a "major" car accident in my world. I mean, my first accident was when I ran my parent's car into a forest of trees, for Christsake. It's hard to top that one. So, with that being said, let me tell you of how I was in a car accident this January and broke a rib.

I hate driving when I go home. You know how your parents always used to tell you "I trust you, honey, but I don't trust the other drivers on the road..."? Well, I trust everyone else just fine. But I do not trust myself. Particularly when any forces of nature happen to be working against me and the giant aluminum and rubber death trap I'm driving -- i.e. snow, hail, sleet, ice, rain, sun in my eyes, etc etc...

But, as I said before, I always seem to find myself behind the wheel. In the case of this January the 2nd, it was because I was driving my brother whose license has been revoked for approximately the next 3 - 30 years to see my dying grandmother in the hospital. Another funny thing about me being "the bad driver": I'm the only one who will drive in cities, aside from my dad (but he grew up in one so he doesn't count). Everyone else in my family is scared shitless to do it, and I can't figure out why. The key to driving in cities is to remember this: no one actually wants to hit you, so they will stop. Have no fear on the road, my friends, because were all just trying to stay alive out there. Also, I am my own worst enemy and can do enough damage alone, I thank you.

So, half way to the hospital (which would be roughly 45 minutes from my parents house), we get word to abort mission and turn around; Granny has already said goodbye.

We turn around, and about 10 minutes into the ride...cue meltdown. I must say, I am a bit of a Drama Queen when it comes right down to it, and love myself a good tragedy. My brother looks at me and sighs. "Well...we may as well stop for a drink."

Couldn't have said it better myself, bro.

We actually stop at a liquor store first to gather some rations, and then go to a bar. I decide to order a Hurricane -- I don't know what it is, exactly, but it sounds just like what I need. It turns out a good old Jack and Coke would have been a little easier on the palette. After a couple sips I decide I don't need a Hurricane, but still finish half of it anyway. My brother is on his 3rd beer.
We proceed on the long journey home, me gripping the wheel with one hand and my tissues with another.

We near home, and I can't wait to get there so I can open the bottle of wine I bought. Instinctively, I take the backroads. Taking the "backroads" in northern Wisconsin in the winter is just about the stupidest things you could possibly do. You can ice skate down them until about March, which means you should try and avoid driving on them. Sometimes i forget these little nuances about the Midwest, unfortunately. I was going a brisk 30mph when suddenly I felt a *slight* pull on the back wheel. My brother picked up on it immediately:

Nick: "Jess, do NOT step on the breaks..."
Me: I'm not going to step on the breaks.
Nick: Jess...do NOT put my car in the ditch. (did i mention i was driving his car....? I was.)
Me: I'm not going to put yourcar in the ditch!
*sliding towards to ditch*
Nick: do NOT oversteer! do NOT oversteer! DO NOT OVERSTEER!
Me: AHHHHH I CAN"T STOP IT!!!!!
Nick: Shit.FUCK. Shit. Shit.

Now, out of the corner of my eye, I see a electrical pole. It's getting closer. And closer.

Nick: DO NOT HIT THE POLE!!
Me: I WILL NOT HIT THE POLE!!!!

I do not hit the pole. I slide sideways into the ditch and we thud to a halt, and briefly rock for the single most terrifying second of my life before the wall of snow that reaches the window of drivers side of the car stops us and pushes us on all 4 wheels.

Nick: (deep breath out) Okay, so, we didn't roll.
Jess: Thank.God.
*3 second lull of silence while our hearts start beating again*
Nick: Now...GRAB ALL MY BEER!!!

If you know my brother, he has been here before. I have not, but I know well enough that cars, beer, and police do not mix well. I start grabbing beer cans and hurling them into the field, into my pockets, and into the trunk. I wasn't sure which place was best, so i decide to do all three at the same time. 20 seconds later, we see car lights. The neighbors! They've come to help! Or have they....

I play it cool and tell the lady I've called someone to tow us out (which i have at that point...my friend's dad...). My friends dad arrives, and I run up out of the ditch to meet him. And I hit the ice. And then I hit the ground. And I land on a beer can in my pocket.
I lay in silence for a moment, trying to figure out if the day really just got worse for me, and listening to the hiss of a beer can that has been cracked open. With my very own ribs.

Moral of the story: Apparently God loves irony just as much as the rest of us, because I came out of the car accident unscathed, but whadda know, I can't seem to walk out of a ditch...

(If you don't read The Daily Lapse yet, you should probably start. www.dailylapse.blogspot.com)

I Must Belong Somewhere

2009-02-04T21:07:00.006-04:00

I had a dream last night that I was in Barcelona. I have no idea why. But it was night, and it was raining, but I felt really confident because when I got off the train I knew exactly where I was going somehow. I found this strange primarily for one major reason: the only time i actually was in Barcelona, I was lost for 85% of the time. Sooo...who knows what that means... Ummm....the architecture was amazing all lit up at night, and I remember I was elated to be walking around. Even though I was alone, I didn't feel alone. It felt sooooooooooo good to be in a city....

I think that means I need to go out of here for a while. I know it means that, but alas. Must. Finish. School. And find a life plan....at least a 5 year plan. Maybe a 2 year plan...I don't know. A plan. Any plan.

Pour Me Something Tall and Strong.

2009-01-31T13:49:00.008-04:00

I almost just went downstairs now to get a Coca Cola - AKA sweet nectar of the Hangover Gods -- and, because the elevator wasn't working, I aborted mission. Stairs and any another attempts of mobility are off limits this morning -- wait --- afternoon. Excuse me. *sigh*

What was supposed to be a quiet Friday "night in" per my usual Movie and New Pizza Creation Friday routine, turned terribly wrong last night, but in quite a few awesome ways. I definitely woke up still drunk, thoughts not entirely in tact, and still in my clothes-- that may have been because I had no water yesterday, but then again I don't think I had the motivation to actually check for water when I got home at 7a.m. :( Eeks.

I played about 8 million games of dominos, had somewhere between 10 and 100 beers, and probably uttered about a gazillion drunken words. Double Eeks. :(

I am such an idiot on so many levels I can't even stand it. If I tell myself I'm going to do one thing, it guarantees I will go and do the opposite. Example: "I will not get drunk tonight"/ "I will not love someone who is completely and totally unavailable"/ "I will not kiss people I am not supposed to love and who are completely and totally unavailable". Check, check, and check. ARGH. I am a failure at life and at love (Well, okay, maybe not life -- i'm actually kinda awesome at it. )

What Happens When You Drink for 14 Hours Straight?

2009-01-26T23:39:00.011-04:00

....You break a sandal, break a rib, and end up looking like Bjork and Mickey Rourke's homeless love child. Yet, all in all, it was most certainly the best MKL Jr. Day of all time. We started innocently enough, at the beach with a cooler of Medalla, a bottle of rum, and a gallon of "limoncello". It was a pleasant and relaxing afternoon that went off without a hitch.

And then, a cooler of Medallas and 2 bottles of rum later, it was time to say bye bye to the beach.

As we were packing up the goods, I started to cough, and due to a previous rib injury (don't ask) it hurt like hell, and so I was convinced I was going to die. Though it looks as though JC is consoling an insane homeless person who owns nothing but a white blanket and 1/2 a jug of O.J., really, it was just me coughing.

About 30 seconds later, my sandal broke. *yay* No biggie, I thought, as we were headed home anyway....
We all did our part in polishing off the jug of red lemoncillo AKA rum and Crystal Light. Here is Z demonstrating her skills:

Myself having a taste of the red delight on the car ride home. Because I really needed another drink at this point...

JC finishing it off while sitting in the middle of the road....

As we approach my street, impulses kick in and we decide it would be smart to stop at....THE OLD MAN BAR!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, why not right? We're already drunk. "But wait!" I say to the group as we step out of the car, " I only have one sandal!" The group concession was that it should not make a difference, and I should proceed as-is: One functioning sandal, and one that I am clinging onto with my toes. Super idea.

We give Bekah a tour of Old Man Bar --- no flashes. please. In the above picture, you will notice the extensive art collection that is displayed on the walls. Vintage, really...

Since only stopping at one bar would just be foolish, we march across the street to another one, where Bekah is given the opportunity to try the infamous "Gasolina" drink. Hmmmm, tasty...

...Or not. We shuffle over to Garabato's, where I fall in love with the bartender, which wasn't exactly a good time to fall in love, seeing as I had only one shoe on, was sunburned, and had magically gotten dreadlocks through the course of the day. The end of the night emerged, we went back to the second bar, and I have no idea what is happening here, but it looks hilarious.

Oh dear.

2009-01-23T17:13:00.009-04:00

Chellber has been visiting me for like 8 days now, and I am in the impossible vacation/not on vacation limbo. Technically, I am not on vacation...but that is not reflected in my lifestyle of the past week. We didn't go out 1 night (Tuesday), and it was only because Monday night was a rager for the books that ultimately ended with me shoeless. True story. There are about a trillion pictures for Monday/night, and we look like bums in all of them. Seriously though, we look like homeless people. The ones who circulate the bar scene bumming cigs from everyone. It's a tad concerning.

I also am working on making a love connection with one of the bartenders, which has made going out every single day/evening/night slightly easier and more gratifying. And, I had a student profess his love to me on Wednesday night, which consequently has inflated my ego to such heights that I believe it will render me rejection proof for quite some time. At least a couple days.

On Saturday we met a new friend, Daniel, outside the bar. After approximently 3 minutes of talking to him on the sidewalk, he invited us to go to an after bar with him. Sure thing, stranger! I call shotgun!!!

Daniel was quite the gentleman and bought us drinks and tried to teach the old gringas some dance moves. An exact quote from him: "You're 26? Oh, I thought you were older." Um, Daniel son...never say that to a woman. Under any circumstances. She could tell you she was born in the same year as man discovered space, and you should still guess at the maximum that she's 23. Though, he may be wiser than his young years and questionable judgement of age suggest, as when he dropped us off at home he found it important to remind us of the age old rule that, hey, maybe it's not so smart for us to be meeting random men at bars and letting them drive us to unknown locations for a drink. As it went:

me/bek: thanks for the ride! you are soooo much fun!!! you are like, the BEST!!! no, really, i love you, man!
daniel: good to meet you guys! let me get your numbers! ...wait, what are your names...?
me: jessica
bek: bekah
daniel: "bekah? is that a name?"
bek: only from the Bible
daniel: right. Well, i have to tell you guys something: what you did tonight, with me, you should never do again.
me/bek: *blink blink*
daniel: you know, like getting into a car with a strange guy...you shouldn't do that.
me/bek: right, right. but we LOVE youuuuu...! You are our frienddddd!

And so on.

We still have 2 more nights left, so...expect greatness.

Let the Games Begin.

2009-01-14T16:04:00.007-04:00

Today, as I was walking from the grocery store at 7 at night and sweating my ass off, I couldn’t believe that, only 2 days ago, I was so freezing freaking cold that I refused to leave the warmth of my bed covers for most of the day and always wore 2 pairs of socks.

A variety of events took place in my 10 day extended to 19 day rendezvous with the Midwest, also known as hell frozen over -- most of the super, and a percentage of them not so super.

Here are some things I enjoyed:

- drinking dark beer
- paying for all my drinks at the bar with free drink chips i'd collected over the summer
- taking a hot shower and actually having it feel hot
- electric blankets
- waking up under warm blankets
- MIAMI w/ Jay and Lei!!!!!!!

And things I could live without:

- going into cardiac arrest everytime i step outside into the cold
- icy roads
- slipping on icy roads and going into the ditch
- slipping on icy roads and falling on beer cans that were in your pocket

I also decided that someone in my family needs to put the kibosh on the insanity of Christmas dinner. I think my mom and I spent 3 entire days baking, cooking, mincing, browning, and marinating, and in total on Christmas day it took 45 minutes for people to eat. Um, that just isn’t cool. I need a little more gratification than that, I thank you.

I leave you with some pictures:

MIAMI:

Leg Guitar

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"Today, resigned"

2008-12-13T13:03:00.009-04:00

As I sit here at 1:00 on a Saturday afternoon, enjoying a glass (or two)of wine and correcting the last batch of student essays, I can't help but document some of the fine bits of thought which make me momentarily put down the wine glass and laugh my ass off.

I shall give a shout out to Jaybo, who has shared quite a few gems of his own.

- "We are not drowning in a glass of water when we know that everything has a solution except death"

I hear ya, sister. Boy, do i hear you. I hate drowning in glasses of water, and I can't tell you how many times i've had to remind myself that death doesn't have a solution. Especially when you are drowning in a glass of water. It's like, hello, learn how to swim!

- "I said, 'ok i'm going to change', but then i start with the same sheet again."

Damn the sheets, save the empire.

Um, here are some random pics from the 3 times I went out this semester:

From Ang's visit last month:

A Suicide Lead on Christmas (that was supposed to be a nod to The Sandlot)

2008-12-02T21:06:00.008-04:00

Holy shnikes, it’s December. When did that happen?

I suppose I should recap you on Thanksgiving 08: A Rice and Beans Thanksgiving. Yes, it was my first official Puerto Rican Thanksgiving, as last year Team Gringo celebrated with the holiday with a million glasses of rum and cokes (unofficial number) and vegan baskets. What baskets are made of meat or dairy, you ask? I think we are all trying to figure that one out still. And though any goji berries (not the consumption of, but more the disposal of) failed to make an appearance this year (I don’t think any of us missed them), it was a unique celebration none the less.

It began the night before, when I embarked on my duty to make the stuffing. Not just stuffing, mind you. Puerto Rican stuffing, which called for 2 lbs of beef and ¼ lbs of ham to 1/3 CUP of bread crumbs. Um, WHAT?! Yes, I read the recipe right. So, although I didn’t actually “eat” my own stuffing, there were plenty of elements of that day that made it feel just like home.

For one, the first words that were spoken to me at both homes were to were to offer me a drink. And I’m not talking I was there for 10 minutes, standing around like a freak, so someone offered me a pity drink. I’m talking we walk through the door and a drink is suddenly in my hand. Off to a fucking great start! at the second home we went to, the aunt and uncle of my friend, I was offered not just a drink, but a shot of “pitorro”, which is like moonshine. They had mango and coconut flavored moonshine. Welcome to Puerto Rico. So, within in the first minute of being there, I had a shot. And after I took it, was immediately offered another. Eeks, no thank you. I value my taste buds. No need to burn them off so early in life. But wine? Por fav-fucking-or! Now we are speaking the same language.

At some point in the evening, the uncle walked in with a coconut which he had just chopped off his tree, and I was intrigued, obviously. I wanted to taste the coconut water. I mean, let’s be honest, how many times will I have the chance to drink coconut water of a coconut freshly macheted off the tree?? I’ll go with like never again. So, I asked for a taste. “Of course! Claro que si, mija!” say Uncle --- “why don’t you mix it with some Johnny Walker?” Um….OK!

Dinner. Rice and beans made an appearance at both homes. I ate some at the first place, but decided to pass at the second home. Not a wise decision. Well…as a gringa, it’s not a smart move to pass up the rice and beans. The Spanish Inquisition followed, quite literally: “Why aren’t you eating rice and beans???” which translates as, “You American b*tch! You think you are too good for my rice and beans!!??” I tried to explain that we had already eaten at another house…which lead to: “At Carmen’s? You ate her rice and beans?” Followed by scoffing and a scornful glace and shake of the head at me, and perhaps an eye roll from Uncle Johnny Walker, for being so unfortunate as to have eaten Carmen’s rice and beans and not theirs. Er….sorry…?

The third (technically fourth, if you count the wine) course of beverages came as the crowd had mostly departed and there was enough living room space for everyone to sit. A perfect time to…..pop the Champagne! Another successful holiday, come and gone, with about 12 pans of flan leftover. OH – that reminds me --- there was no pie, but there was flan. Ohhh was there flan. A pumpkin flavored flan, a sweet potato flavored flan….YUM. So good. I love flan, FYI. It’s definitely going to be “the” food I take away from PR.

All in all, it made me realize, in actuality, how little food has to do with making my own “family holidays” feel like “family holidays”, as wine flowing and people chattering does. As long as I am somewhere where people are chaotically conversing, preferable over a spirit or two, then I may as well be at home.

This is a bit of a tangent, but I just realized today I can stream KOOL 108 through itunes. KOOL FM happens to play Christmas tunes 24/7 starting the day after Thanksgiving, if any of you don’t know (but I have feeling most of you reading do). Well, it really has becoming somewhat of a tradition to listen to it during that waiting period from T-day until X-mas, even if it is chessy as hell (I mean, that song about that kid who wants to buy his mom shoes but doesn’t have any money or whatever…Really???? So stupid.) Anyway, at about 11 a.m. this morning when I realized this epiphany, I was THRILLED! Thrilled, I tell you! I immediately felt homesick, but not homesick at the same time, since I was listening to what I would listen to at home anyway. Well, now it is 8:58 p.m. and I'm listening to "Frosty the Snowman" for at least the 6th time. It’s losing it’s charm, is what I’m saying. KOOL FM, you need to mix this shit up a little bit, PLEASE.

Which brings me to another thing: what is home for me anymore? I have been moving around so much since 18, and I say “home”, but what do I mean. Normally, I mean “the town I grew up in”, and it’s true I have many a memories from there. Howcver, as often is the case, the memories are sweeter than the reality of it, as this summer proved when after 2 weeks of being home I was nearly suicidal. Visiting is fucking fantastic. Mostly because I know I will be in fact leaving. I'm not there to stay. I fear I will never be able to live at “home” again. I know this may be a painful reality (Chellber…), but it can’t happen. I mean, cerca “home”, maybe. MAYBE. Under some very strict and specific circumstances, which I don’t need to divulge right now. Perhaps. A summer home, yes. A life there? NO.

*sigh*

Why can’t everyone I love just follow me everywhere???

p.s. I just talked to my sis Audrey, and they received my Annual I'm Dreaming of a Wild Chistmas CD, which obviously included the Chipmunk's "Christmas Don't be Late", which in reality is SO annoying, but for nostalgic sake I put in on there, and she told me "Victoria really likes the Chipmunks song" (Victoria is 5 years old). WHY DO KIDS LOVE THE CHIPMUNKS SINGING!??! It seriously blows my mind!!!! Only children can love a song that is sung at that decible. It's so strange.

There's No More Room for Jell-0

2008-11-19T14:30:00.004-04:00

*This post is also on dailylapse.blogspot.com, a blog which I share with my dear cousin Angela :)

It's basically a fact of life that food defines the holidays. However, when you grow up in an extraordinarily big family, scrap food kind of defines the holidays. I can remember the first holiday gathering I brought up the caboose of the buffet line. Not a smart move when 32 cousins have already passed ahead of you. Aunts and Uncles, yes, them too. But they don’t matter quite as much, as adults and children have completely different palettes, you see. The adults grazing the Thanksgiving buffet table tend to gravitate towards plates the kids could care less about. No more of Grandma’s green bean casserole, which she only makes on this sole day every year, with green beans and onions from Grandpa’s garden which have been picked and stored with care until this very day? Meh, no biggie. No more pickles or after dinner mints left? Now we have a problem.

As I brought up the back of the line, passing up silver platters with mere crumbs left on them and china bowls scraped clean, I spotted a beacon of red gelatin splendor: “A Jell-o mold! I love Jell-o! How did those fools pass this up!”, I thought to myself, giggling with delight. I added it to my plate of pickles and after dinner mints, and picked up a bun for good measure.

Ah, now, where to sit to enjoy this fine spread? Seating also is a complicated process. The grown ups sit in the dining room with the china and wine and having, what I imagined at the time, amazing adult conversation about the good old days, and maybe about sophisticated things such as Aristotle (he was the one who invented T.V., right?) or The Beatles (i loved The Beatles). Or perhaps, gasp!, they were already planning where we would all have our summer vacation together! (That’s what I really liked to imagine.)

Being 11 or so at the time, I clearly didn’t fit into the adult table. The next option was the kids table. Again, somewhere that I didn’t feel as though I belonged, and I certainly didn’t have as many romantic notions about what took place there. I knew what took place there. I had sat there for 11 years, babysitting my 5 year old sister and cousins because “I was the older one”. It was a bit like an unsatisfying job: you hate being there, and just when you are about to pull a “fuck you, fuck you, I’m out” to the boss, he will come over and sing his praises about how “responsible” and “great” you are to be” helping out”. How utterly unsatisfying, but it keeps you there until the next breakdown.

There was a bit of a purgatory, but it was a place you had no option to visit: the Teenager’s Table. A cardboard table set up in the entry way, where they dined together and talked about tantalizing topics such as “high school” and “dating”….that’s what I imagined, anyway. And, now that I’m older, it was a place where I’m sure they pulled out their hip flasks out to give Aunt Alice’s Holiday Punch a little more “spirit”, if you will. How do I know this? Because it’s exactly what I did where I was finally old enough to sit at the cardboard table.

Back to the Jell-o: I went in line expecting Glorified Rice, and I ended up with Jell-o! Hallelujah! The first bite was heavenly; there isn’t much to say because it was Jell-o…it really only has one taste. But I will say the maraschino cherry I scored in the first bite did add a little something special. As I slurped the second spoonful into my mouth, I hit something. As in, I hit something that couldn’t just be sucked down -- it needed to be chewed. “What the…..?” I thought to myself, and took the bite. Celery?! I spit it out and examined my slice of the Jell-o mold: cherries, yes. All that other canned cocktail fruit, yes. But, wait….what was this? What was this green stuff? Why in hell was there celery in my Jell-o?

I consulted with my mom.
“Uh, mom…why is there celery in the jell-o?”
“Oh, your grandma made that!”
“So…why did she put celery in the jell-o?”
“It’s just her recipe”
“So….she, like, did that on purpose….or….?”
“Yeah, it’s just the way she makes it”
“Oh. Ummm…why?”

I took a moment to reflect. Apparently my grandmother was senile and she actually thought celery in Jell-o made sense or something. That made me feel kind of bit depressed, because everyone knows the first stage of death is losing your mind. I sighed a tragic sigh if ever there was a thing, and got back in line. Maybe there was some Glorified Rice left.

A couple Thanksgivings later with Celery Jell-o still making an appearance, I realized the celery in the Jell-o was no mistake; it was just part of the recipe. And now it’s become the Thanksgiving staple that I never eat.

Grandma Marcella’s Fruit Cocktail and Celery Jell-o:

2 package cherry flavored Jell-o
1 bunt cake mold
2 cans fruit cocktail
1-2 celery stalks, coarsely chopped

Prepare Jell-o according to directions. Add cocktail fruit, drained. Add celery pieces. Stir. Chill in refrigerator until set. Flip mold onto serving platter. Serve to unsuspecting relatives.

26th Annual Birthday Bender

2008-11-05T00:07:00.001-04:00

I would like to start this “birthday recap” I am about to give you by first saying that never in my life have I had a “leftover” drink, and as I type this there are TWO sitting in my freezer. One of them I have no idea where it came from.

I have had some damn good birthdays in the past, but this one takes the cake ten fold. There is no way it could have been better unless every free drink I was served in the past 4 days had come in a solid diamond cup with gold dust sprinkled on it and a map to the fountain of youth taped on the bottom. SERIOUSLY -- it was THAT good!!!!

The last few days have been, how you say, “fucking crazy”. In the words of my dear cousin Angela who was here celebrating the festivities with me drink for drink: “Jess, there is no way you will ever have a better birthday than this...there is no way I will ever have a better birthday than this and it’s not even my birthday!”

I believe she said it a couple moments after out 2nd or 3rd free shot of Saturday afternoon, moments after we stumbled and were then welcomed into a private PRican party at a random bar….or perhaps it was closer to when they busted out the karokee mic. I’m not sure. But either way, she is right!

A Preview

2008-11-04T00:57:00.007-04:00

.........of the last 5 days.

Some hightlights:

- 24 Medallas on the beach
- rum in a coconut
- hotel pool hopping
- stumbling into a PRican bday party being held at the bar -- on MY bday
- the bday was also the bar OWNERS
- the free food and drinks that ensued
- playing pin the tail on the donkey with the most adorable PRican kid ever --- "bajo, bajo! PERFECT!"
- making a spectacle of myself by being the dancing gringa
- the fact that mi prima Angela was there to take part in all of it!!!!

` Dead? Let me see....

Oh...? These aren't free? >:)

Ang turning Puerto Rican (Medalla + beach)

"BAJO BAJO! Perrrrfect!"

Cutest child ever invented

Holy Shit

2008-10-31T04:17:00.002-04:00

Another Halloween in PR, and I'm still alive to tell about it. Jesus Mary and Jose. Tomorrow will mark day #2 of my annual 4 Day Halloween Bender, beginning the day before Halloween and ending on my b-day. Although, if this election doesn't work out, the bender may be extended, and I may be writing to you next from Egypt or some shit. *sigh*

A miracle also occured today and my camera starting working!! it's been broke since like the summer and it started working again! random wonderfulness, I tell you! KA, Z, and myself pregamed before going out tonight which was very fun. ANGELA, my nearest and dearest cousin and friend is coming TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So i guess i should go to sleep soon, as to be prepared....very much looking forward to having a visitor, even better it is a family member and friend at the same time!!! Big plans. I'm sure you will hear all about it. :D

Proud Moments/Google I Own You: UPDATE

2008-10-19T12:09:00.001-04:00

Because the people I know are truly the creme de la creme and like to spend their work days going more productive things than actual "work", I had the opportunity to break an internet record. See below:

UPDATE: here is the official letter from Google (sent to F.Z. from NYC who made the whole thing possible) acknowledging the accomplishment, Largest GChat in history, i thank you very much. Click on it for a big image.
And who says it's been nearly 26 years of little significant accomplishment??!?! HA! Now THIS is something for the resume!

Jose Cuervo is not a Friend of Mine.

2008-10-18T10:57:00.007-04:00

I had a social gathering last night!!!! I'm house sitting a rather lovely place this week, and needed to take full advantage. A very lovely time will all my faves. Will write more later about that but must go to the beach now.

LATER:

So, let it be known that as of Friday, Oct. 17 2008 I will no longer be drinking tequlia (except maybe sometimes). Jose Cuervo, you are not a friend of mine.

To start the night, I got lost in Miraderos because my phone died as Zaira was giving me directions. But after 30 minutes of driving around, I somehow magically found her house. I don't know how I did it, honestly. BUt anyway, it was a good thing since we were going to cook some dinner since the house I'm a watching this past week has a kitchen that is bigger than my entire apartment practically. So, we stopped at Econo (the supermarket) for beverages (Medalla was on sale :)

Long story short: People came, people drank, and when I passed out at 4:30AM people were still doing both. KA and I had a mini dance party in the living room. I shotgunned a Red Bull with JC and fell asleep 30 minutes later. The food was eaten. The fridge was full of Medalla at the beginning of the night, at the next morning there were 4. Jose C. = gone. The million wine bottles = gone and 1 champagne bottle (which i remember opening but don't remember drinking but obvsly must have) = gone.

I love parties :)

An Order of Hangover with Gravy on Top.

2008-10-11T17:13:00.003-04:00

"You did it to yourself": the famous words of my Mom when she woke me up on Sunday mornings and forced me to sit through those dreaded long Catholic masses, making sprints to the bathroom in the house of God every 15 minutes to, um, vomit in His toliet. *sigh*

Thank the Lord I can vomit in my own house nowadays. I'm sure he is thankful, too.

I am never drinking again. I have uttered/mumbled/slurred these words many a time, but I haven't actually meant them in quite a while. Uuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.